Can I Stay By Your Side? - Chapter 10

Fun Fact 2: I've read somewhere that the character profile of Yamamoto Takeshi was written out to be the typical Japanese stereotype. Firstly, "Yamamoto" and "Takeshi" were very common Japanese names. He wields a katana, likes sushi, father owns a sushi shop, likes to play baseball etc. He even named his Vongola Box Weapon, the Akita dog and the swallow, Jirou and Kojirou. "Jirou" is one of those common names of the old.

So in that line of thought, I made Tanaka Sana's name a stereotypical one. "Tanaka" is a common Japanese family name. The name "Sana" is quite common; however; not extremely common. I like names like "Yuki" or "Haruka" may be more common. I just couldn't place these names on my OC. Only "Sana" fit, in my opinion. Thus, Tanaka Sana was the name of my main character.

---

So, it's Chapter 10! It is probably my longest chapter so far at about 3900 words. I couldn't break the chapter into two parts. Then again, if you have read my other stories, you would know that 3900 words is not much. However, I wasn't expecting that length coming from a story as simple as "Can I Stay By Your Side?"


If you've read my previous author's notes, you would realise that I found "Can I Stay By Your Side?" a story without too much complication to the plot. Also, the nature of what it should be (a shoujo manga-esque book) makes some of the details lacking. The average chapter length for each chapter was estimated to be about 2500-3000 words, a far cry from the 3500-4500 word behemoth chapters that I usually write for the other fics. Well, I'll take it as a good thing because it means that I'm finally becoming more serious in this fic.

Yes, it's intentional that this chapter ties back to a couple of things, namely the first line in Chapter 1 and obviously, the title of the story. Doing things like that make me happy.

If I've not said it once, I'll say it again: It's really difficult to write a serious fic about a gag manga! The nature of the first half "Katekyo Hitman Reborn" is that it is a gag manga, so the events in the story are of course filled with sensational actions with oblivious characters coupled with the poor main character who is the knowing one in the midst of it all. It's actually difficult to write a normal fanfic about a gag manga without making the characters OOC.

Yet with that, I'm excited at the prospect of a challenge. Back when I was writing “I Want To Be A Turk!”, I had two goals:

1.) Write a story with minimal loopholes
2.) Insert OC into the canon storyline in a way that does not require me to retcon anything.

That was why whenever Meia is around during an event that happened in the actual Final Fantasy 7 game, she would be in a position where the average gamer wouldn't see her (thanks to fixed camera angles!), like in a corner or far away from the player’s point of view. As it turned out, it became easier to to write as I got used to the limitations that I had given myself.

I guess in this fic, the challenge that I should give myself is to write a serious fanfic from a gag manga! But yeah I know, halfway through the manga in the Kokuyo arc, things start to become real action-packed and less gag manga. But... by then, who knows where my story would take me?

Moving on, I'm shell-shocked by the number of people who still faved and followed me in the 3 years that I was away. And yes, the fanfiction site thought that I was spamming and eventually, I had to stop. I’ll slowly take my time to thank all who faved and followed me, even for the other titles. But you readers always make me feel that what I've done is not meaningless. You really push me to write more each day :)

Anyway, one of the reviewers said that she found Sana’s love troubles super relatable. It gives me much satisfaction that someone could relate to her. Sana’s feelings carried a lot of what I felt when I was her age. Umm, minus the shy and quiet parts - I'm as noisy as any crow on the street. However, a lot of the feelings and reactions Sana felt were a product of my own experience and exposure to shoujo manga.

If you are wondering, I'm always playing the unrequited love role, so I was hardly the protagonist female who gets her feelings reciprocated. In fact, I once had the idea of writing out a whole compilation of love stories that end in unrequited feelings! That was many years ago and once in a while, I still think about that plot bunny! Also, I started writing fanfiction when I was just a little older than Sana. If I had such a fantastic and successful relationship rate like that of my friends, I doubt I'll ever come across fanfiction, much less write one, but that is a story for another time. :)

Okay, so I thought I was quite bad at describing that place where Sana and Yamamoto had their conversation. I realised that there wasn't quite a good description for the place that I had in mind, except for outdoor amphitheatre. However, the park that they were in is a small one and, calling that an outdoor amphitheatre is quite ambitious.

So I’ve found a picture online to better illustrate myself. Just imagine it without the grass and that railing. The place is full-on concrete - exactly the kind of place that you would play recklessly and get a fracture from a bad fall. Hope it is clearer now! Also, if you actually know what this kind of design is called, do let me know!

Finally, to those who are not sure how Yamamoto managed to get hot drinks in the middle of nowhere, there are tons of vending machines littered everywhere in Japan. Almost all of them sell hot and cold canned drinks. Many visitors (like me) would enjoy choosing a different drink each time, but honestly, using the can as a hand-warmer is a splendid reason to buy the hot canned drink, I'm not even gonna pretend.

Once again, thank you for reading my fic and to those who actually made their way here to read my long long long author notes, thank you very much!

Pictures taken from:
Washington Park Amphitheatre: http://ronandmarysummerinportland.tumblr.com/ (Photo Credit: Timothy Grundvig)

It's been a while, so I shall quote verbatim from another page of my blog on the usage of pictures: Pictures are taken through Google Search and will be credited to the website accordingly. Usage of deviantart pictures will not be used unless permission has been granted.

So hello again. And what happened?

Ah, turns out that I managed to come back to post a second time this year. This is good, I'm telling myself, baby steps, baby steps.

If you scroll down a little and read my last few posts from 2016, you'll know that I was writing up until then. Then I got married and well, tried to continue writing but it was a little difficult to juggle the new life with my previous life as a single. Also, I underestimated my ability to juggle my career. In the end, I spent the last two years barely surviving my job, even though I loved doing what I did.

Yes, "did".

I resigned after a struggle of emotions and decisions that lasted almost two years. This is a writing blog and not a personal blog, so I plan to omit my description and exaggeration of how I felt in 2017 and 2018. Long story short, I made a decision after struggling for two years. While I enjoy my job, I wanted to, loosely coined, take a break and do something different.

Yep, that's it. What my plans are in my personal life, they are not firmed up. I have ideas on what I want to do, but nothing is planned for me.

Over the last two years, many things bothered me in my emotional struggle. One of the biggest issues that kept nudging me was my writing. I kept hearing my inner critic showering me with disdain and disgust.

"You have been keeping your readers waiting."

"To think, you disliked authors who went on hiatus without a single word, and here you are doing the same thing."

"So how are you going to handle the stories that you've left hanging?"

"When you come back, IF you come back, your previous readers are not going to be around, and it's all your fault."

It was difficult.

But I made it after all that. Here I am, much like the exiled Turks at the end of their ordeal with Zirconiade. I quote KK and Meia from "I Want To Be A Turk!" - "We are disbanded, exiled, used and manipulated, but still alive."

I'm only excited to see what my future has for me.

---

Oh, thought you might wanna know, I actually did consider stopping fanfiction once and for all. I've thought about it a couple of times.

Some time in March 2018, I got so fed up with the internal nagging that my fanfiction was not done. I edited my chapters to include a final author's note. In the end, I replaced it with an author's note that you saw in Chapter 19 of "The Only Exception" and Chapter 8 of "Can I Stay By Your Side?". I'm glad that I did not give up.

I repeat myself in case you are still mistaken. I am NOT leaving fanfiction.

Nevertheless, to end this rather depressing post, here was my final note to you guys that I originally wanted to post to end my fanfiction writing journey once and for all. It was sad, snarky and silly all at the same time. After this post, I won't be talking anymore about my last two years.

Dear readers,

Once upon a time, I was a fanfiction reader myself and I’ve raged about authors who would just disappear without reason or any explanation. Their stories were left hanging without any conclusion. I remember telling myself that as an author, I’ll always keep my readers in the loop of things and I’ll give a proper farewell if I ever stop writing.

This is the time.

I’m sorry.

I’m very, very sorry.

Since 2015, I held onto my foolish hope that I will quickly settle the many things that are happening in my life to write again. Since 2015, I have not written much. Including this chapter, it’s 2 chapters. It’s the same situation in my other story.

I am unable to keep to my promise of finishing this story. And I feel terrible for not being able to even finish the story that I set out to complete. I am writing this with a certain acknowledgement that this could be my last fanfiction chapter.

FAQ Time, hehe.

Q: Hi Aichioluv, um… I don’t really care what’s going on with you. Is the story up there the ending?
Of course that’s not the ending. But this is the last chapter that I’m going to upload. If you want, I can give you like 10 sentences to end this whole story, but I… I can’t do that. I’ve got writing standards to uphold.

Q: Isn’t going on hiatus and disappearing here and there common in Fanfiction?
Being a fanfiction writer since 2005, I have been through ups and downs of writing. Handling schoolwork and drifting away from fanfiction was a part of it. However, I am not able to manage even the most basic responsibilities in my life. I am in a wreck now, barely able to keep up with meeting social circle demands, the demands of three families, and the increasing workload of my career. An absolute, emotional wreck.

Q: When did you realise that it was time to let go?
For close to four months. This portion was written in March, shortly after my emotional breakdown. Through the last two years, I’ve always wanted to write. The desire to write burned so bad in my heart – I couldn’t come to terms that I may not be able to write. I struggled with it, though I never once thought of giving up. However, that had changed since March. My personal management went downhill and the only way I could save myself now is to shut out all possible distractions. Fanfiction is not the only one suffering. All hobbies that I used to relish in are on hold.

Q: A job that takes away your personal time and hobbies? What kind of a job is that?
Nothing for you to worry about.

Q: So… you are telling me that you cannot manage your little life? You mean I’m not going to get my story just because of one silly little character flaw?
Yes.

Q: Will you be back?
I cannot promise, I don’t want to promise. Ideally, I’d love to return one day saying, “I’m finally back!” but after having this foolish thought for two years (with almost no action), it’s wiser to take it as farewell instead of “I’ll be back”.

Q: You suck.
I really do.

Q: Couldn’t there be something that you can do about this?
Meh, I doubt anyone is really asking this. I enjoy reading my own stories too, don’t judge. I’m currently rereading “Days of Exile” for kicks. However, I cannot write anymore. Not while I have this job that’s very time-consuming. If anyone is willing to pay me my current salary to write fanfiction, I’ll gladly quit my job (don’t we all?).

Q: Will you be around for a chat?
I’m always around should you ever PM me. I receive email notifications and will try to respond like how I respond to emails.

Q: So… I guess that’s it.
Yes. That’s it.

I can never tell you enough how much you mean to me. Uploading chapters weekly, even daily, was such a joy because I could read your reviews. Staying up till midnight and jumping up the minute I wake up to write was thoroughly enjoyable while it lasted.

It was all to hear you say that you love my stories. You have no idea how touched I feel when people tell me that they look forward to my chapters all week. You will never know how honoured I feel when people look to me for writing advice.

We may never meet face to face, but I remember most (if not all) of your reviews and I still read them (even the ones dating back to 2005). I cherish the readers who make time to improve me and encourage me. You were not only readers, you were my friends. I treasure you so much that I wanted to make closure here, instead of letting you hang on in wonder of whether I’ll ever complete the story. I hope that in my short time here, I’ve entertained you, or maybe inspired or encouraged you to write something of your own.

I can go on forever, but I really shouldn’t.

Thank you for being with me. I don’t think I can ever achieve that much without you.

Thank you. Everything was all for you.

For you.

Totally scoffing at the title of the post before this.

Hello everyone.

Happy new year! It's 2019, and about 2 to 3 years ago, I shamelessly began my post with "I'm back!"

And then stopped posting for a long time.

Some of the readers may have already seen my note in the two fanfictions, "The Only Exception" and "Can I Stay By Your Side?" Nevertheless, I'll post what I've written here at the end of this post. I'm still undecided if I should remove the author's note.

Anyway, a lot has happened. And as of now, I'm not writing fanfiction. Yet.

I doubt anyone is reading this blog anymore, but I'm still keeping it running because the initial idea is to just keep a record of my writing journey. So I'll be posting a lot of my woes, I guess.

And yes, I'm prepared to lose a lot of my readers. This is my second hiatus and I don't know when I'll stop writing for good.

For now, I'm taking things one step at a time.

Hope to be back on this blog with a better explanation of what had happened since my disappearance in 2016.

My author's note in the fanfiction is as follows:

10 August 2018

Dear readers of my Fanfiction stories,

It has been more than 2 years, how are you?

Since the last update, marriage, work and life required a lot more of me than what I had expected. A lot more happened that affected me emotionally too. If not for my husband, family members and friends, I don’t know how I would pull through.

I’m sorry that there was no sign of me for the last two years.

I struggled over the last two years if I should quit writing altogether. You know, close this chapter of my life that enjoyed writing and focus on my career.

However, in the recent few months, I have made some decisions in my life. This may mean that I am returning to Fanfiction.

I do not wish to make promises, but I will tell you my current plan. Fingers crossed, I will return to Fanfiction by March 2019. If I don’t return by then… well…

You, my readers, were always on my mind when it comes to writing. I told myself that if I ever were to stop writing, I need to do the decent thing and inform you. So, my quest for writing will not be over until I say it’s over.

Till then, please have faith in me that I’ll return by next year.

And I'm back!

After fussing about my mental block for many months, I've finally found enough time and created enough brain juice to post another chapter for "The Only Exception". Since then, I've been thinking of my stories here and there. Alas, I simply don't have as much time to write as I used to. What a shame.

Meanwhile, it's also taking a toll on me to keep this blog running. If I want to keep writing reviews and stuff, that is. I guess I'll take it slowly and review my direction at the end of the year.


Oh, what fun. I'd much rather sit at the computer and type stories. However, adulthood is fast approaching me.

What have I done with my 2016?

Adulthood hit me hard.

It hit me really hard.

It's that kind of fighter that starts by giving you a direct punch that catches you unaware - sending you across the fighting ring and onto the floor - and then continues to bash you badly even though you have admitted defeat.

Yes. That feeling.

Since I started my hiatus in September 2015, I went about the matters in my real life in much peace, knowing that I can focus on them, anticipating my time to write once those things were done.

Then, I "ended" my hiatus in February...

What happened?

Lots.

I thought I was prepared for life after marriage, but I guess I still overestimated it despite my mental preparation. I went through a lot of transition. A change of lifestyle, a change of church, a change of workload in my career, a change of many priorities, to be honest. Before you jump in and say things like, "Follow your passion!"... Work is work, but it is meaningful and it's something that I enjoy. It is something that I'm passionate about.

I have stopped a couple of things that I used to do before when I was single. I realised that my life (no joke) has to accomodate the schedule and life of another person. While that in itself is a joy, it all but strips away any time to write. The previous strategies of writing early in the morning no longer work for me.

Frustrating. I feel frustrated at how "well" I'm coping with my new life.

Am I writing? Not really, I'll be frank. Since my last update on "The Only Exception", I've written probably about 500 words. Nothing to be proud of. Let's not forget that my best friend, the writer's block, is still lingering around me. Plus, adulthood tugging at my heart, telling me to put fanfiction down for more urgent, more pressing... more... important... things.

Is this a path that everyone goes down eventually? Can't I write a proper story without worrying about compromising my work, family and spiritual life? And by the way, not that it has happened, but we have not even talked about the number one time-consuming commitment in any adult - CHILDREN.

When can I ever strike a balance?

First post of 2016! (plus the end of hiatus)

Dear all.

I'm back.

After four months of hiatus, I've finally returned to my blog and my fanfiction. Yes, my wedding went smoothly. I had a wonderful honeymoon (where I secretly gathered ideas for my stories, hehe) and I have started the new year without even greeting you all.

Happy new year!

Since the year started, it has been a rather tiring January. I had to adjust to the changes in my families and my workplace. Did I write during my hiatus? Not really. I dare say that in my four month hiatus, I probably wrote less than two hundred words.

Should you be worried? Of course not. Should I be worried. Oh yeah, definitely. I am quite afraid that my mental block will last forever. Will I find back my inspiration like how I did when I was in China? Then so much for my dream of writing full time. Almost every day, I would sit and stare at both "The Only Exception" and "Can I Stay By Your Side?". I would sit and read and read and think, but I'm always at loss for words.

What am I doing then? Well, you would laugh at me but I'm rereading "I Want To Be A Turk!" I want to find back the trigger to this 120++ chapter story. So far, I am starting to get my feeling back, but I'll need more than just feelings.

I just want to thank all the readers who have been wonderful even during hiatus. I still receive notifications for people following and favouriting my stories. The notifications always make my day brighter :)

Today, as I was doing work, the "Voices of the Lifestream" remix of Shinra's Theme played in my iPod and I cannot help but start wondering about Meia and the world that I've created. Is everyone okay? A part of me still toys with storylines and plot bunnies relating to "I Want To Be A Turk!" but should I, really???

Anyway, no more of this. It's time to do goal-setting! Before I do that, let's do a review of my 2015 goals! You can see my first post of 2015, but I'll summarise here.

1. Read lots of manga.
Done. I've read enough to make me happy. It's really time to focus on writing again.

2. Write fanfiction outside FF7.
Done that too. I've started a fanfiction on Katekyo Hitman Reborn called "Can I Stay By Your Side?" and I'm getting pretty good reviews... I think.

3. Brainstorm on original YA fiction.
Well, I did brainstorm. Did I have ideas? Some. Did any of them form into anything substantial? No.

4. Create stories for children.
Ahhh, this one, I didn't. I have some ideas but again, none of my ideas became anything substantial.

Not a bad year for writing actually. Here are my writing goals for 2016.

1. Finish "The Only Exception"
I'm almost done, so I gotta pull through.

2. Start on another FF7 story
That's the easy part. The difficult part is... which plot bunny should I use??

3. Continue to brainstorm YA fiction.
Publishing this will not be the key for the next few years, but I want to work on the idea until it becomes something... unique. Well, uncommon at best.

4. Create stories for children.
I still want to do this. So I shall.

5. Publish at least 5 book reviews.
My real goal is 10, but I shall not push my luck. 5 first :)

And so, my 2016 goals are set. I wish all of you a happy new year once again and see you in fanfiction soon!

4 years!

Wow. Look at that.

It's been 4 years since I've started this blog. My original idea was just to have some kind of place for me to go on and on because I realised that I was talking too much on fanfiction.net. And now, my little blog has exploded to something of a whole cauldron of book reviews, writing experiences and chapter notes.

Writing to an invisible (and probably non-existent, heheh) Internet audience, reading and recording my thoughts of each book that I read (how else do you think I can create my reviews after such a long time?) and penning down the various thoughts I have whenever I write another fanfiction title... these are all things that I treasure very much and I am glad that I have started this blog. One day, even if I were to stop writing altogether, I have this little thing to remind me of what I was once passionate for.

Hey, let's not get paranoid here... I'm still writing. Well, trying to write amdist my busy-ness. No one is saying that I'm not writing for good.

Whether anyone is reading this, I just want to thank you, my fanfiction readers, for keeping me going for such a long time.

There has GOT to be an official name for this...

Like all book lovers, we like to buy and own some of our favourite books. I, however, have certain idiosyncrasies when it comes to books. It drives my friends and relatives nuts, but a small pool of bibliophiles understand :) There must be some kind of medical term to such obsessions, I feel.

1. If my books belong to some kind of series, they MUST be of the same publishing company.

Let the pictures explain.

Harry Potter from different publishers, all over the world. 

My books cannot jump from publisher to publisher. Therefore I can't have Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone in Scholastic and then Chamber of Secrets in Bloomsbury (I cringe as I think of it. Actually, that is what happened with my book.)

This is not fine. I think I need to go and get the replacement soon because I heard Scholastic is releasing a new print *gasp*


This is fine.

Even manga has to be (as far as possible) from the same publisher. However, I'm not extremely particular. Maybe it's because the covers are still quite similar. Just that one uses Simplified Chinese while the other uses Traditional Chinese.

2. I hate broken book spines.
This one really drives my sisters insane. They use it as an excuse to explain why they don't like to read even though their little sister has so many. I can't exactly blame them. I get really nervous when they open the book and bend the spine. It was because of this stupid obssession that I feel so torn between wanting my friends and families to read my favourite books and keeping the books to myself so that they remain nice and pristine.

Then again, if you've seen my books, the pages are quite yellow, and I don't really mind. Some people, I heard, keep the book in the original shrinkwrap that the book came in. Hurhur. I'm not THAT diligent enough to keep up that maintenance.

3. I can't stop buying books, even though I have too many unread books on my shelf.
Every biblophile identifies with this, maybe 70% of them. I am not one to browse the library often, I'm not exactly sure why, but I suspect it's because the library does not have the variety and exoticness that I wanted as compared to Kinokuniya. As the years went by, the habit stuck and I ended up buying books from Kinokuniya. Therefore, sometimes there are books that I bought that I didn't really like, for example, Coraline (review here!) and even the Eon/Eona series (review).

The number of books that I buy have dropped comparatively as compared to when I was younger. Then again, when I was younger, I read thinner books so...

That's all the book-related idiosyncrasies that I have. If you ask me, I don't have very particular pet peeves or weird stuff. I don't find the need to sniff the pages of a new book, or arrange them in any particular order. Wait, I DO arrange them to some kind of order, but it's not very systematic. Apart from a very particular obsession with nice, smooth book spines and a compulsive book buying disorder, I consider myself quite a normal bookworm.

What do you think?

Pictures taken from:
Harry Potter with different printing
Old Kingdom trilogy (Sabriel, Lirael, Abhorsen)

Workshop: Fiction Writing (Part 1)

I went to a writing workshop a few weeks ago. To those who are clueless, here is the details of that workshop. You may need to click on the image to have a larger view.

If you remember my previous post, I was talking about how afraid I was to meet other writers because of my background as a fanficion writer. Turns out that I was too paranoid about it.

The workshop was amazing. Well, I think it's kinda rude to disclose what I've learnt. I think that it's best to the facilitators at the workshop. At most, I'll give some kind of remark rather than a detailed  So if you are here, expecting some kind of crash course, well, you're not going to get it, sorry :(

Firstly, we did a self-introduction. I was the second one in the line, so I had to make quick decisions. Should I just keep quiet? Or kick myself in the shins and jump into the fire? Well, I made the latter choice.

"Hi, I'm aichioluv, and I'm... I'm a closet fanfiction writer."

No one really reacted. Do they even know what is fanfiction? My facilitator, however, chuckled, though not in a bad way (I hope). So I continued.

"I'm here (in this workshop) because I want to see what I'm lacking in my writing, which should be a lot. And I want to see how I can improve in my writing."

Yup, my self-introduction went by smoothly. Not angry mob of nay-sayers, no pitch forks, nothing. Yes yes yes, I was overreacting, I admit. But seriously, I know the general reputation of fanfiction being completely unoriginal (duh, it's fanfiction!) and substandard. Of course I worry. It was absolutely liberating, my confession. After that, I felt less concerned, for some reason. No one judged me, at least they did not say it out.

I really enjoyed the workshop and I've picked up some tips for improvement. If I really had to nitpick, I wished that we had gone more in depth. Maybe analyse author's works and discuss how we can use their awesomeness to improve ourselves. Hmm, is it even legal?

Apart from that, I'm simply glad that the workshop delivered what it needed to deliver. Here are some of the things that I've discovered and rediscovered during the workshop.

1. I had no idea I have an inner critic.
At the start of the workshop, we were supposed to dismiss our inner critic. I was thinking, "What inner critic? I will be happy enough if I was more critical of my work." Due to everyone from fanfiction.net being so nice and friendly, even if I had any mistakes, they may put it in such a roundabout way... or maybe they did not even notice.

Then, I remembered. Once upon a time, I received a painfully honest review for one of my earlier works. In his/her defense, I'm super grateful for that review because it gave me a good reality slap on my face. Unoriginal as it may be, fanfiction is, obviously, works and characters created by the original author. To make characters out of their character is kind of an insult to the author, in my opinion now. So I'm glad that that reviewer was honest enough to tell me.

That being said, since then I was ever so cautious in my planning and I try to be real critical with myself - especially with character portrayal. Sometimes, I feel exceedingly frustrated when I can't illustrate certain personalities the way I imagined it to be. I guess that could be my inner critic trying to giving my ideas 'friendly reminders' back to oblivion.

So, I do have an inner critic. Never thought about that. While it's good to have a certain standard for yourself, it is just as important to ignore the internal naysayers and write what YOU want to write.

2. I've pushed myself out of the box.
I guess I really surprised myself there. Not that I am a really good fantasy/adventure writer in the first place, but I never considered making characters more than what I was comfortable with. In the end, I thought of things and ideas that were sort of out of my usual style. At least, what was what I tried to do. I did try to make one of the characters in an exercise a failed comedian, but I guess even the function of a failed comedian failed on me. *sigh* humour was never my strong point. Nevertheless, I was glad that I tried to do something slightly different. Turns out that I could so it if I really try.

I'll continue another time!

Details of workshop were taken from here.

If I had never admitted it, I'll admit it now...

I'll take a break.

Yes, I know. I haven't been writing actively in the first place. I was mainly reading more manga and books, so I haven't had time to focus on writing. But really, for now, I gotta stop kidding myself in thinking that I am getting any chapters done. Work is piling up, more than I can even imagine. Therefore, I will really, officially, take a break for two weeks. I have to settle my work and really reflect how I can be more efficient in my life.

Right now, I can imagine everyone who is reading this is thinking, "That's what every author says before they disappear from the face of earth and leave their fanfiction unfinished." I'm not going to blame you, neither will I make any promises. Of course I want to finish "Days Of Exile", but the time is not now. Ideally I want to continue in two weeks' time, but life is unpredictable.

Yup, so I'll take a break. I've been receiving your story favourites and reviews, though. And even though it's just a few of you, it really warms my heart. Thank you.

I'll see all of you on the blog in a few weeks' time!

Letting go...

If you are wondering, "Oh. My. Gosh. Is she giving up on her fanfiction?" I'm sorry...

But you're WRONG!

I was referring to letting go of some of my old blogs when I was still a student. Because of circumstances of my job, I was advised to remove my blog posts in case my past comes and bites me. I wasn't some kind of delinquent, neither did I have a horrible past or anything of that sort. I just wanted to remove anything of my past online, just in case. Let's not talk about the amount of information stored for so long. I think a basic blog removal suffice.

I've been meaning to remove them for some time, but time was not on my side. Hey, I was working hard on "Days of Exile"! But today I had a little bit of time to do so, plus... certain circumstances have pushed me to do it as quickly as possible.

So I am in the middle of removing my blog, but first, I saved all my blog posts. Whoever said that I can't keep what I wrote? It was interesting to see how I wrote last time. I was more emotional and less... sophisticated with my words. It was a personal blog, after all.

As for this blog... I will obviously keep it. This is a semi-personal blog, I will just be more aware of my online conduct. As such is the mystery of my job. (A note to my friends in real life. Just do me a favour and not mention anything unnecessary.)

If you are wondering, "Days of  Exile" is coming along fine. I'm still struggling to build back the chapters, but it's slowly forming. I'm currently writing one of the biggest events before Meteorfall. In one single day, many many many things happened. I foresee it spanning five to six chapters actually. I will cut down, of course. Just wondering how much I can cut down, that's all.

Oh my! The mess!

The intention of quoting "Fifty Shades" was completely unintentional.

I've been doing changes to my labels on the side, but I realised that perhaps most of my posts are not properly labelled. So it's time for me to start reorganising my blog labels. Also, it has been a to-do for me to create a page on this blog stating basic navigation and label guide for the newbies.

Maybe I should begin. Like, pronto.

So I apologise for any inconvenience during this time of reorganisation!

Book Review (5): Eon/Eona

I admit.

When I first saw the two books side by side each other last year, I sniggered to my friend. "Can they get more boring with their sequel books?"

But with encouragement from a friend, I finally got the book, "Eon".

Eon/Eon Duology
Alison Goodman

Story Sypnosis (in my own words): Eona was a candidate to be a dragoneye, key leaders who held powers of the 12 dragons in their world. Problem is that Eona is actually posing as a boy, Eon. When the Mirror Dragon, missing from 500 years, chose Eona to be its Dragoneye, Eona faced many difficulties trying to cover up her true identity.

-----

I wasn't expecting much from this book, so I only bought Eon. Truth be told, as a child I would buy the entire series but as I grew up, I realised that I began to be quite choosy with my books. I admit that I have some series in my bookshelf that weren't touched because I wasn't impressed with their first book (*cough* Anne of Green Gables... sorry for not liking such a classic!) So nowadays, I realised that I'd rather spend another time to go to the bookstore to get the sequel. It's better than to get the entire series in one go, only to find out that I didn't like the first book in the first place.

So the fact that I've read both Eon and its sequel Eona, you'd expect that I like it?

Well... yes, and no.

In general, I must say that I didn't love this book. It wasn't a bad read, but it's not really a book that I'll read again. So maybe borrow it from the library or something, but it's not necessary to own one copy.

The setting of the book was a fusion of the Chinese and Japanese culture. The land was ruled under an emperor. As a Chinese, I identified many, many oriental elements in this book. The 12 Dragons are from the Chinese Zodiac and the imperial court was very similar to that of the Eastern countries. Not a problem for me, but Westerners may take a while to take it all in, I suppose?

-----

Now, there were some annoying parts of the entire reading experience, and some parts that were simply great. So... I'm gonna start off with the good.

1. Amazing Protagonist

Meet Eona. She had the typical background - orphaned to unknown parents, rescued by her master to be a Dragoneye candidate. Just when I thought it was getting really normal-going... surprise surprise. I discovered her to be really... flawed. She lied constantly... and lied about lying. She had the biggest doubts of her ability and she lived in constant fear of having her true identity discovered.

In the sequel, more of her flaws surfaced (can't say more in case I spoil the story). You find that she is actually inching on Mary Sue at times, but ultimately, the author really brings Eona's character down. It's one of those books where you put down the book in the middle of it and go, "Dang, Eona, that was a dumb move." It's one of those moments that you think to yourself that protagonists aren't goody goody as you thought.

Do I like Eona? No, I don't. I really dislike her (and I have people who agree with me!), but I salute the author for making her so... different from a typical protagonist. There's a certain quality about Eona that is very different from other girls.



This is the best picture I can get of Eona, poor thing :P It's pretty accurate as how my mind sees it, all the way down to her twin swords.

2. Asian culture research, I give you props

As mentioned, the book was set in a fusion of Chinese and Japanese culture. From the clothing that people wear, to the rituals that people have, to the customs (such as bowing towards the senior) and the setting of the imperial court and the emperor's monarchy... you know this author really did enough research. As a Chinese I don't go all, "Pooh! This is all crap!", so you know it's not that ridiculous.

3. Conflicts of beliefs

This book played the dangerous card of conflicting beliefs. The theme of power versus compassion was dominant in the book, and Eona constantly struggles at the fine line between both. That means, this book is kinda philosophical and all. Not everything is as black-and-white as we like.

Well, seeing how similar this is with "I Want To Be A Turk!" and "Days of Exile", I gotta say, I'm quite intrigued with how the author deals with the conflicting beliefs. And she did it quite well. I really suck at writing philosophical chapters, so I wonder how did I survive explaining why Meia could be a Turk even though she disliked what they did...

Alas, that's all the goodies I have for this book, so let the baddies begin :X

4. Love Triangles... AGAIN?

First it was Twilight. Then it was Hunger Games. Now this. And in all three series, the female protagonist was deeply swayed by the third party. Okay, maybe not so in Eon/Eona but still there is! I doubt I really need to explain more about love triangles. I mean it's great, but I've been reading too many of those. This is just a personal complaint.

5. Yes, Eona does get annoying.

Another personal complaint of mine. She lies and she harps too much about her lying, her unworthiness and her flaws. Honestly, I quite liked the experience of disliking Eona. This book gave me my first - I've never disliked a protagonist till now. Previously, I had absolutely no issues with any protagonists. Now I know. It was quite a novel experience.

In fact, I liked it so much I kinda incorporated it into my own story. As some of you have commented, my recent chapter, Chapter 20 of Days of Exile, Meia did some things that you are not fully agreeable with. Well, that's great. Enjoy the feeling of 'Oh man, why did you do that you nincompoop!!"

So... I disliked Eona, yet I liked the experience. Is that a compliment for the book? You decide.

---

Rating: Consider It

Yeah, it's not a book that'll change your life, but it's not too bad if you are willing to read it in an unbiased manner.

Have you read the book before? What do you think?

The pictures above were shamelessly taken from these websites:
- http://www.thereadventurer.com/1/post/2012/7/three-heads-are-better-than-one-or-two-is-there-hope-for-ya-fantasy.html
- http://veari.deviantart.com/art/Eona-257692864


Disclaimer: Despite the official term, the above book review is not a wholesome and fully critical one. The book is merely reviewed and reflected on based on story writing skills and other literary elements.

China: A Writing Inspiration + The Birth of "I Want To Be A Turk!"

And hello again!

From the beginning of this blog's birth, I've been wanting to talk about my China trip. And so I shall!

Back in early 2011, I promised my father that I'll visit him in the June holidays (yeah, our holidays are in June). He is working in China and he suggested that I fly over to find him alone. So to keep my promise, I dropped my schedule in June (which was full of dance rehearsals and the like) and flew to China to visit him.

I thought I'll be more sulky about it because I'm missing out almost a month of rehearsals, but I wasn't. It was really because I was getting really tired and worn out from the daily practice. The trip did me some good; a short getaway. Most of all, I brought my laptop along because I thought it would be a great opportunity to write.

At that time, I was beginning to write again. If you remember, I mentioned in my writing history that I went on a very long hiatus in the middle of writing "Their Memories of Fukinara High". When I wanted to continue the story again, my old readers have left already. Still, I continued to write. I knew that I had one reader who was still waiting for me to finish that story and I knew that I can't let her down until that story is finished.

So anyway, I thought it was a good time to clear my head from the busy day-to-day schedule and write instead.

I've been to Nanjing a few times. However, in this trip I did not have many pictures (because my dear father accidentally deleted them all). All pictures below are taken from good ol' Google. Here, let me show you some pictures of Nanjing and the places I was in. I've been in other places while I was there but I thought I'll just show you the place I was in most of the time.



This is Hunan Road, Nanjing. It is one of the most popular eating streets in the city. Yup, you've heard me. I reside in a hotel that is filled with FOOD. (I was obviously in heaven.) Food prices ranging from USD 1.60 for a large bowl of noodles, to USD 100 for a highclass restaurant, you have your variety right here! This is one end of the street, of which it is right next to a departmental store...




This is the other end of the Hunan street. See that huge-ass hotel on the left? Nope, I didn't stay there. I stayed in a small motel on the right. It was opened by a friend of my father's, over the last 15 years it had been a place of accomodation for my father whenever he's in China for business.



While I was there, he brought me to this tower above, which boasts of one of the nicest daytime cityviews of Nanjing. Indeed, Yuejiang Tower was gorgeous.

Okay, so that's how my four weeks were like. In the weekdays, I'll follow my dad to his company, where he works and I sit by his table and write. In the evening we would return and have dinner. Then I would return to my room and continue writing. Did I mention that I was writing like a mad woman, as if I don't have much time to live and I wanted to write everything? Thinking back I felt kinda bad for leaving my father alone sometimes. Sometimes he hangs out with his friends, but sometimes he leaves me be and watches TV.

On the weekends, if I'm game for it, he'd bring me to tourist attractions, like the tower. I went to the zoo to look at pandas and then we took a train to our ancestral hometown, Hunan, to attend my cousin's wedding.

Honestly? That's A LOT of time to write. So there I was, writing my "Their Memories of Fukinara High" happily. Blogspot and Facebook are banned in China, by the way, leaving me with nothing to muse about. So apart from writing, I was reading fanfiction. I was reading some Final Fantasy VIII fics and then suddenly, I was reading Final Fantasy VII.

Truth is, I knew nothing about FF7 then. I remembered playing it in secondary school, but I can't remember much, except that Aerith died and that my freaking chocobo wouldn't turn gold. So guess what? I spent my time on finalfantasy.wikia, reading up on FF7. Yup, dear readers, that was how I eventually became the expert on FF7 :P The formula is just 'lots of time' and 'finalfantasy.wikia'.

While reading one of the FF7 fics, "From Slum to SOLDIER" by UnchainedMelody94, there was a sudden thought in my head: Yeah, this story looks cool. Maybe I should have an OC like this, but she'll fall in love with Reno instead. (I fell in love with Reno after watching Advent Children... yes, it's 'cause he moved from hooligan-looking to smexy!)

The idea was profound to me. After FF8, I've never ventured into anything apart from Samurai Deeper Kyo. Do I dare to take the plunge? What if my characters were out of character?

Then, as I was reading Samantha Sheffield's "Storm", I was paranoid that our stories will be too similar, and I shared my doubts with her. Thankfully, she encouraged me to give it a try. So, even while finishing "Their Memories of Fukinara High", I began my first chapter of "I Want To Be A Turk!"

And the rest is history.

Of course, I had two weeks to play with, when I began "I Want To Be A Turk!". I was writing like a madwoman who had a burning secret to share. I would eat, sleep, dream and wake up thinking of the story. There was once that I wrote until 11 PM and I was so tired I fell asleep. But my brain was still thinking... I automatically woke up at 5.30 AM, with the only thought in my head: I must get that into the story. Now.

Gee whiz.

Amazingly, it was the fact that I had nothing. Absolutely nothing on my schedule, no facebook or blog to wander around, that my mind cleared and plot ideas just couldn't stop coming. I could focus on writing and enjoying the beautiful China. It was one of the happiest four weeks of my life. I've accomplished a lot, in my opinion.

The stories I've written while in China were:

- Their Memories of Fukinara High (Chapter 41-44)
- Dress Off!
- Brotherhood
- I Want To Be A Turk! (Chapter 1-5)

It was quite a feat for four weeks.

So guess what? Perhaps someday I'll run to another country for four more weeks to write and write only. Alas! My job is not going to let me have that luxury...

Taken from:
- http://www.visitourchina.com/guide/hunan_road.htm
- http://farm1.static.flickr.com/194/482597031_7caabb5a6d.jpg
- http://www.panoramio.com/photo/59861499

Writing 101: Self-narration

For once, I shall write about writing. Of course, I am an amateur, but hope anyone who is reading this will benefit from it :)

Self-narration.

Well, the concept is kinda stupid, but I found it useful. I have no idea, in fact, if everyone does this or am I the only one... so... let's get started before I sound stupid.

When I was a child, I love to narrate the things that I'm doing. So if I'm walking to the kitchen to get a drink. In my head I'll say it as if I'm a character in a book and I'm executing what the words say. So in my head I'll think of something like this:

"I walk into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of juice out of the fridge. Unscrewing the cap, I drank the juice from the bottle. It was sweet and my insides felt cool."

No joke. I really think like this in my head while I'm just... grabbing juice from the fridge. Hahaha! Am I weird? Anyway, I found that self-narration is fun. Firstly, I pass time and I get my brain thinking instead of letting it idle. (idiosyncrasy #1: I can never let my mind rest. If there's nothing for me to think, I'll think of my story plot) Secondly, I help myself go through the entire descriptive narration. Since I'm always doing something, there will always be something to narrate.

Once you get the hang of it, you can easily narrate skimpy actions in stories. In fact, what I do is narrate ahead of my actions. Then while doing the actions, I'll notice other details (like how my fingers ache when I closed them on the fridge handle.... or something not so wimpy :P) and then I'll form and add the details into sentences. Honestly, it's more of a yeah-I-can-describe-scenes-but-im-gonna-practise-cos-i-have-nothing-else-to-do kind of activity.

It might start off weird, but soon you'll be talking to yourself in your head all day long. Yes, my mind is sort of like Meia. It never shuts up, but I don't have photographic memory (awwww!)

So last night, before I fell asleep, I found myself narrating again. Italised sentences are the initial lines. The others are added after much thought and self-talk in my head.

I lie awake in my bed, covered in cold sweat. I want to sleep but i couldn't. The words that he said ran through my mind like an endless movie. I could feel completely indifferent about it, but I don't. Not when my life's happiness depended on it.

I took my folded blanket and covered it over me, not bothering to unfold the blanket. Despite the cool temperature in the room, I feel warm.

Try to sleep, I told myself. But I might as well talk to a wall. My eyes stung a little, but I doubt they will become swollen tomorrow. I have done a marvelous job at keeping my tears to a minimum. No saying what tomorrow might bring, every day is a land mine.

Yeah, something like that.

I'm going to finish off with two more posts and then I'm headed to bed :)

So I was looking through my old stuff...

I was trying to organise the messed up files and folders that I hastily tossed them into years back when I first got my external hard disk. I doubt I'll finish anytime soon but anyway... I was reading some of the poems that I wrote when I was younger. Like, 5 years ago? Man, I was much more talented then than I am now. XD Sometimes the best works are birthed when you're in the most pain. My life has been quite smooth sailing in the past few years, muahahaha!!

Will I publish them? I'm not too sure, I would like to, but I don't really know where's a good place to publish these things (Apart from FictionPress XD)

Looking back

Okay, I'm not going to reminisce about "I Want To Be A Turk!"

I was reading my very first fanfiction, "Romeo and Juliet, FF8 style!" and I was quite amused at my own writing. Sadly, I was so embarrassed with my own writing that I revamped ALL my stories (forgetting to backup the older copies for laughs). As such, my oldest writing is dated 2008, which... isn't THAT old (considering that I've started in 2004).

Yes, lesson to learn (forever). Keep your old drafts for fun and laughter. I'm quite sad to say that none of my old writings are around, especially the one with "Be My Knight!" The first draft was absolutely hilarious and I was terribly ashamed to show it to anyone.

Anyway... regarding old fics? I plan to use them, but I have no idea when I will have the time to. If you remember, I have a dozen of plot bunnies waiting to be birthed and nurtured. Besides, in order for me to go back into the old fics, I probably would have to watch FF8 again. Researching on FF7 took me a (pardon my french) hell lot of time, and it was time I could spare because I was on a month-long getaway in China.

... Writing about all these makes me wish that I have more time to write. Oh well, I guess that I am a pretty disorganised person by nature. If I'm that determined to write, then I jolly well make time for my writing (instead of complaining).

Anyway, I've yet to post another chapter because I'm... ah... lazy :P It's really funny how slowly I'm writing when I was on my internship. When I was uploading Chapter 46 on the 20th of February, I was writing Chapter 57 or 58 (Yes, I am THAT ahead of my schedule). At the beginning of my 10-week internship I realised that if I were to stop writing and upload every week, I've enough chapters to cover. By the end of the 10 weeks, and now that I (should be) uploading Chapter 57, I'm still writing Chapter 60. From a 12 chapter gap, I'm back to a 4 chapter gap.

Well, my habit is that I'd like to keep a 3-5 chapter gap between my writing schedule and my uploading schedule (i.e. if I'm uploading Chapter 1, it should be because I'm already writing Chapter 3). It keeps me far-sighted in case my future plans can't be executed because of something that I've already published. Also, for new stories, it helps me assess if the story has potential to continue. For new stories, once I'm done with Chapter 2, I'll upload Chapter 1. Yeah, just an idiosyncrasy of mine.

Anyway, I'll like to complete Chapter 60 first before I upload Chapter 57. I should be done with Chapter 60, just that there are many fight scenes, and I dread them so much :( But I. Shall. Prevail!!

So be patient with me :))

In other news, I'm so excited that Diablo 3 is coming out! I never played Diablo 1 and 2, but the trailer for 3 looks nice, and seeing how everyone has been waiting for this game for YEARS, I guess it should be awesome :D

expanding my reading preferences?

So. A while back, I thought of wanting to expand my reading selection and thought of reading thrillers. the boyfriend recommended thriller-horror author John Saul and I thought I could give it a try.

I've never liked reading anything past teen fantasy. Just by looking at my bookcase, you'll know what kind of (immature) reader I am:

Eragon series

Harry Potter series

Poison Study series

Twilight series (yeah, I poke fun of it, but yes, I do own one set.)

The Complete Tales of Grimm Brothers (did I tell you how much i adore fairytales?)

The Novice (and its two other books whose names I forgot)

Sabriel, Lirael and Abhorsen

In their defense, some of them have really mind-blowing stories, but they are for teens! and they are magic-ky. That's how I describe it to my friends. Magic-ky = magic is existent in the world.

So, as much as I want to show some depth in my character, I don't read non-fiction such as biographies and memoirs. Neither do I venture into other genres like horror and action. As such, I got to admit, my vocabulary is pretty limited. It's time to venture.

Maybe starting with John Saul might be good. Anyone has suggestions?

In other news, I haven't been using my word of the moment "reticent" often enough. I better get used to that word before I hunt for a new word.

So it's been a week, huh?

Can't believe a week went by so quickly... and so slowly. I miss writing fanfiction, seriously. to those who are still clueless to what has been happening to me, i've been sent for my internship. and well, for privacy purposes, that's all i'm gonna say (though those who have been in contact with me will probably remember?).

so yes, it has been a tough week (mainly because I'm trying to finish my last college assignment due Friday 0.o). honestly, i don't understand how i can take days to write a 4000-5000 word assignment when i can easily do the same for fanfiction... in under a day. :/

the good thing about the internship is that i get to read while i'm on the job (like for half an hour everyday). So I'm trying to reread Eragon. While waiting for Brisingr, I've stopped reading and now that even Inheritance is already published, I better catch up XDD

I haven't been writing, though i'm at the stage where I've finished writing whatever i've planned and i'm doing planning again (i'll explain another time XD). to me, it's always fun to plan, more than to write. :P

perhaps that's why i used to go on hiatus and stop my stories, because after a while i'll finish my story in my head and i get too lazy to write it out. that's kinda how it was for a short period of time (especially chapter 46-52). if it wasn't for the fact that majority of the events are 'lifted' from the canon storyline, i would've had great trouble writing them.

honestly, i'm not very flustered by the fact that i've not written for the past week. while it IS worrying because my writing WILL get rusty, i kinda have enough chapters in "I Want To Be A Turk!" to last me a long long time :) no worries, I'll do my best to write here and there. I don't want to lose the momentum... Tch. honestly, the momentum was lost the week before I started internship but oh well, i'm going to do my best to juggle work and writing!!

hopefully i can finish my assignment by tonight, then i can upload my story tomorrow afternoon :3 if not... it's probably friday past midnight XD

well, i wonder how is everyone else (i.e. the readers)? has life been busy? ahh, i guess it's a passing phase :3 let us work hard at working hard, but remember to enjoy the smaller things in life... like a new chapter from your favourite fanfic author (i know it's hard to believe since i'm usually so snobbish, but i wasn't referring to myself XDDDD).

in other news, NOW i know that whenever i'm stressed, i have this incredible urge to buy... makeup. like... wut??? i've gotten two foundation samples and a sunscreen and i'll gladly talk about it... just that this is a writing blog and not a makeup blog XDD

Plans for this blog

Well, the fanfiction site is down so I guess I can only upload Chapter 44 in the morning.

Anyway, I was thinking... apart from putting my author's notes, I was thinking if I should make my writing blog... more like a writing blog.

Over my years in college I've picked up some random here and there tips and knowledge regarding literature. Just today, I spent two hours playing with poems and it was enjoyable (which goes to show how dry my other lessons were). Yes, one more step to being really pompous: lecturing on writing as if I'm an expert.

I just want to share whatever I know with you guys, and I hope you all will enjoy or learn a thing or two :)

So as of now, whenever I'm free, I'll write on:

- Book reviews (but I hardly read nowadays so we'll see where THAT will take us)

- Movie/Musical reviews (focusing more on story development/plot/character development rather than acting :P)

- Random writing tips (if they are truly useful for me, why not share it for the world to hear? :D)

- Other Literature-related facts (e.g. what is a poem? what is the difference between a first person and third person story? ... something like that :))

see you... with the new chapter! :)