How I feel after the launch

awesome :)

I could very well end it here and say 'alrighty folks, let's meet again next week for Chapter 2 of Days of Exile!' but you know I wouldn't, right?

So maybe a few sentences more about how I feel after I started launching. Thoughts are not in chronological order.

1. oh my gosh, the story is out! i hope fanfic.net doesn't chop random paragraphs off for nothing (yes, it happens sometimes!)

2. what if my readers are not going back to read Chapter 63????

3. Will all my readers go to the new sequel?

4. Are there any grammatical errors?

5. Don't panic, don't panic. It's Saturday 7th July in Singapore, but not 7th July in USA. The reviews will come in tomorrow... or tomorrow tomorrow.

6. Oh great, mental block. How am I going to continue that chapter? (i was writing a new chapter)

7. Awesome sauce! Reviews for BOTH 'Days of Exile' and 'I Want to be a Turk' :DD

8. The author of which this story was first incepted finally spotted my story! 

9. 7 reviews for Chapter 1? Wow.

10. But of course, the review numbers will go down... but ahh, life goes on nevertheless XD

11. (recorded as of today): Wow, this reader knew what I'm trying to achieve in this chapter :P

As it turns out, I didn't need to worry at all. 10 reviews! For a measly chapter! I am so flattered and grateful that most of you graced the launch with a lovely review. I'm glad most of you picked out my intentions of the chapter. Indeed, the first person narrative is so that I can somewhat recap the events of "I Want To Be A Turk!"

Also, there are some reviews that I'll address in the next chapter. I really am grateful for the perceptive reviews!

I was going to write about a movie i watched, but I figured I wanna write about this instead :P

Thoughts about Fifty Shades of Grey

Disclaimer: Quoted words are not said by me, but by a particular youtube user. I am merely stating my thoughts based on her video. (Note: quotes made by the video are in double apostrophes.)

Disclaimer: I am not in any way, defaming nor slandering the book, neither do I have the right to judge and critique the book since I have not read it. I also apologise if I offend any readers because of my opinions.

Fifty Shades of Grey.

No. I have not read the book. That is why it is not classified under the label 'afterthoughts: book' where i usually share simple comments of any book that i've just read.

I write as a reply to a short 10 minutes of researching what would be the hottest new fiction out there, 'Fifty Shades of Grey'. Thereafter is the trilogy and all but let's not go there. Anyway, of course there is always a story behind every post (it IS a writing blog after all :P). So I'm going to start with my story now.

Months ago, while browsing in a bookstore, I saw a featured book named 'Fifty Shades of Grey' and I thought that it might be a good read. However, I didn't buy it. Partly cos I was broke and I wasn't receiving salary yet, and also because the synopsis said nothing about magicky stuff. You know how I love magic-based stories.

So I didn't get it and I kinda forgot about it till I was looking through Youtube just now when one of the people that I've subscribed to liked a video. It basically begins with a girl talking about the book and what caught my attention was her description in the video: Please let me know who published the book so I may slap them with a salmon.

Hahaha! that's attention grabbing material for ya! So of course I clicked it to see what she was going to talk about. She begins by describing the book as "a romance novel that introduces the concept of sadomasochism".

At this point my eyebrows rose and I felt instant relief that I didn't get it. Honestly, erotica is not one of those things that I would read and any idea of BDSM would kind of freak me out (despite my brave claims that I'm not scared). It would've been an absolute waste of money to buy it.

Then the youtube user read us an excerpt of the book which "is quite explicit and very poorly written". As she read, I must say that I was... shocked. Well, not shocked like 'is that how erotica is like?'. Of course I've read some before, if not I wouldn't be here making a comparison, would I? Anyway, yes the content is quite... graphic, to say the least. I was very uncomfortable listening to it. But anyway to spare me from the explanation... she finished reading and then here are her comments at the end.

"This book is so poorly written it's a wonder that it even got published. I've seen fanfiction that's better written than this dredge. This is (name) signing off, to remind you to stop publishing mediocre literature."

So... yeah. I know that it is famous and really the hottest thing or something. I bet there are many people out there (those who pop by my blog once in a while) who says this book is really awesome and great and all... but no. I won't give this book a read. Mainly because of the erotic content. I know that the bigger, deeper plot revolves around the male lover being bound by the demons of his past, but really... I can't get around to reading it. So yes, through some Wiki-ing, I kind of figure out that the main themes surrounding this story would be explicit romance, self-salvation and probably female submission. Well, I suppose they are pretty good themes to work on but... nahh really... nah. XD

Anyway, the REAL reason why I'm blogging this is because of two things:

1. It was inspired by Twilight.
2. The story originated from a Twilight FANFICTION.

Hold your horses, people. Point number 1 first. Twilight and all its hoo-ha? I can blog about this another time but for now... when you kinda make a story inspired by Twilight, you should know that your story can't get any deeper than this. (I am SO sorry, Twilight fans). I mean, Twilight is a decent read but in terms of writing and story? We all know that we've read better.

Point number 2. Yes. Fifty Shades of Grey was originally a twilight fanfic. A FANFIC!!! It was removed from the website (not fanfiction.net i think) and then the author moved it to a proper website and continued publishing, but this time changing the names of Edward and Bella to Ana and Christian.

Let's stop right here. When I first found out that it was a fanfiction, did you know how excited I was??? I was like 'Oh my gosh, a fanfic has been published for real!' and the feeling was really indescribable... to know that our ideas and stories can really be published one day. I can kinda stop here and say that that means that my dream of writing stories ain't too far-fetched.

But then... the fear strikes. What if the world, the real world outside fanfiction.net, cannot accept the possibility of how writers' standards might fall? Example. Previously we've got great singers like Michael Jackson, Madonna, Queen etc. Then as the generation changes, the singer quality kinda dipped. Then, Youtube was created, bringing along millions of aspiring singers and that's why we have controversial music videos like 'Friday' and 'Hot Problems'.

The standard of music is dipping because it has become so easy to be a singer. What if the same things happens in the writing world? What if people starts protesting against people who used to be fanfiction writers? Fanfic readers are generally the younger people who are much nicer but we can't be naive and expect the adult world to be just as forgiving. 

Well, maybe I'll start off with childrens' books or something XDDD

Then, there's also the fact that Fifty Shades of Grey is kinda the first book that I know that was a fanfiction... and this is the reaction from the public. Thrashy as the book may sound, it is a pioneer breakthrough of fanfiction writers being able to publish their dream book. So what will the future literature be like?

So... as the era changes into one where the world of being a writer is easily accessible, I pray that we don't see the standard dropping like what we see in the music industry now...

Imagine the day when yaoi becomes mainstream literature.

I Want To Be A Turk!: Chapter 62

It. Is. Finished.

Sorry about the Jesus reference, I couldn't resist :P

Yes, good-looking people! I Want To Be A Turk is COMPLETE!!! Let me get all the mumbo-jumbo administration done first before I talk about my feelings... and credits! You can't end a movie without credits, isn't it? :)

1. Please look out for my new story! It is the sequel that I've been talking about. The story is called 'Days of Exile'. It will be published on 7th July 2012. Reason being I am beginning my full-time job this coming Monday. I would like to have a good grasp of how my workload will be before I schedule my writing properly.

2. Please watch the blog still, I'm considering releasing a secret Chapter 63 :) (no, you won't know this information unless you've read it from my blog :P)

3. I'm sure you've enjoyed the last chapter. Please do me a favour and write me a review? I would be most glad to know how you find the story. I welcome anonymous reviews too :)

Now THAT is out of the way.. here comes my feelings.

Wow.

And really, 'wow' just cannot describe it all. Even though this is part 1 of my entire story, it is STILL a 62 chapter story. I didn't think I would have the stamina to write all the way. Perhaps it is because I've always had inspiration and just-in-time ideas to make the story extra enjoyable. I think I can probably explain my feelings better in my thanks so let's move on.

Easter eggs! :D Here are some of the little things that you probably didn't know :)

1. Every letter in the alphabet is used in the titles, except. What do I mean?

A - Acceptance

B - Blood Everywhere

C - Club Duel

...

U - Under Orders

V - Vendetta

W - Wall Market

X - Xylophonic Events

Z - Zirconiade

Yep... They are all titles in my story. I missed out 'Y'... I just found out. Damn.

2. 45 out of 62 chapters are actually said/thought by Meia during the chapter.

3. Chapter 1-4 were rewritten and reuploaded.

4. One of the plans that I was considering was to make Meia a long-lost sister of Aerith, thus making her a Cetra.

5. My favourite chapters as a reader are Chapter 1, 31, 34, 36, 39, 45, 56, 62

6. I mused about making Alana fall in love with Tseng, but that would be totally weird, considering there's Elena :P

7. Rod has been in love with Cassie awhile. However, the story only hints of his feelings for her beginning in Chapter 43.

8. The christmas party (chapter 13 and 14) was a great acheivement because it was unplanned and yet I could link it to Wutai spies. Another unplanned chapter was Chapter 53.

9. The largest gap between the uploaded chapter and the chapter that I've started writing is 12 chapters. 

10. I Want To Be A Turk is my longest story yet. The initial target is to finish the entire story (including my coming sequel) within 100 chapters.

Of course there are more interesting ones, but I don't remember them :P

And now, the full list of people and things that I want to thank:

I would like to take this moment to thank everyone who has contributed to this story. Be it a review, a favourite, an alert, a research material, a suggestion, a criticism… without these things, this story will not be what it is. I will list down the names of everyone who has helped in some way or another… I’ll write down as much as I can remember.

Thank Gaia for these websites and resources, without them I’ll never be the FF7 expert :P I'll list the website here as well so that others can use as their own research material!

Final Fantasy Wiki (http://finalfantasy.wikia.com/wiki/Final_Fantasy_Wiki) - I swear, this is the Final Fantasy BIBLE! You need any information on anything, it has it! Everything that I know and write about in this story uses FF wiki as reference! In fact, before I embarked on writing this story, I ensured that I am clear about the storyline. The timeline was also provided by FFwiki as well :)

Gunshotromance (http://freewebs.com/gunshotromance/) - The website that provides a transcript of the gameplay. Although it wasn't complete, most of the script were taken there. Basically anyone using BeforeCrisis will credit gunshotromance :P

HcloudXIII, FFVIIExcavation, VincentValentineFVII (via Youtube) – They are youtube users who have uploaded Before Crisis and Dirge of the Cerberus playthrough. I kind of swap in between their translations to get the best representation. I also cross-refer with gunshot romance cos youtube gameplays are played using shotgun (female)/Cassie in my story. For gunshot romance, they use handgun (female)/Alana in my story. For Dirge of Cerberus, I watched only to enjoy the extension of the FF7 world. But when I saw Shelke Rui I thought I should use her in my story. Thus... Shelke was in the early parts of the story and will never appear till the events of Dirge of the Cerberus.

Sorumian (http://www.sorumian.com/) - My main resource to look at Crisis Core gameplay. The only other time I look at other people's Crisis Core gameplay is to look at the original Japanese version. Gotta give props to Sorumian, he happen to always control Zack in a way that I can see everything that I want to see (of course he didn't play with that kind of intention :P)

Thelifestream (http://thelifestream.net/) - They were the ones who explained the special episodes of Tseng and Reno for my reference. The rather interesting site as they also explored other areas that aren't as mainstream :D

SilentTweak (http://www.silenttweak.net/) - He translated the Japanese version of Crisis Core. As requested, I've linked the main website, though this is not where I got my translations from!

Finalfantasy Neo Wiki (http://finalfantasy.neoseeker.com/wiki/Main_Page) - This is where I get my monsters from. In Chapter 26, I needed to find what the robots' names were in Crisis Core. Thank goodness neo wiki had pictures for me to look at. :)

FFVII Web Novel (http://ffviinovels.lhyeung.net/) - For those who are not aware, there is a novella written by one of the staff who was part of the FF7 team. On the way to a smile is a novella that focuses on what happened to some of the people in the two years after Meteor, before Advent Children. Worth reading for those who need something to read :)
Okay, I need to thank these people. Their work and encouragements have inspired me to be a better person. Yes, PLEASE read their stories if possible!!

Ancientbruises (Author of “Sticks, Stones and Broken Bones”) – One of the Turk stories that provided inspiration for my story. I love how devoted Reno was to Annie :) I hope she quickly finishes the story though :P

Scribbler (Author of “A Triangle of Many Sides – Book One”, “Photograph”… just to name a few) – One of the rare authors that write with not only colour, but depth. Hahaha, honestly I've been practically worshiping her works and raving about it on my blog. Do I really need to convince you just how much I love her works? XD She remains as one of my favourite authors and I, for one, know that if she ever became a real author, I'll support her book :D

Redcherryamber (Author of “Advent Children Told in Limericks”, “Elena vs Team Yaoi”) – I read her stories whenever my own are starting to bore me. Her light-hearted stories are fun to read, and her serious ones make you curl up and ponder on life, heheh. She is also extra nice in person because she spends time to talk to a silly goose like me when she is busy with her own life. I was very amused when I realised that we both had same names for two of our characters, Rod and Cassie. Rod is quite a common name for Rod (Male), even Scribbler uses Rod. But Cassie? Absolutely unplanned. Simply amused when I saw that her shotgun (female) is also called Cassie :) Anyway, Chapter 31 is inspired by her story "Unspoilt" and in the coming sequel, I'll use another of her story as reference too!

Vietta (Author of “Don’t Follow”) – That story brought a very dark perspective of how the Turks’ life were, I do use her story as reference to how I can make my Turks more… serious and dark. Of course that never happened because somehow my Turks become goofy and homey again *groan*. Nevertheless, a good inspiration :)

Vix3.16 (Author of “The Result Was A Storm”) – Despite it being yaoi, I couldn’t help but be so attracted to how rich and colourful her description was! I remember the first time I read her words I was hugging the computer squealing at the wonderful imagery (NOT because of the yaoi!) Her story is a breakthrough for me, it was the first yaoi I've ever read. It is still the first yaoi I've ever read. Amazing description. The writing is so rich I can almost smell the air that she was describing. It's one thing to describe sight and sound. If you can make an environment so real using taste and smell... *thumbs up*

WriterzRC (Author of “Dying to Live”) – I often enjoyed their writings on how the Turks are very serious in what they do. I gotta say, they come in second after Scribbler, though others may not agree so. Their story was a story based on realistic views. Veld scolds Tseng for his mistakes, people are mean or apathetic to the main protagonists... It's a terrible pity that they've stopped writing, but their impact won't be forgotten.

Inu-shinai-kirara (Author of “What’s This?”) – Thank you for reminding me (through your story) that Reno needs to be lively and not too emo! She was an interesting author whose story ending was unusual and refreshing :)

UnchainedMelody94 (Author of "From slum to SOLDIER) – I first read her story, I thought "Hey, I could do something like that" and tada! this was born. The very very first inspiration that started everything.

Samantha Sheffield (Author of “Storm”) – Even after the inspiration from UnchainedMelody94, I was hesitant on beginning the story because I was FULLY aware of the journey I’m embarking. I knew that this was going to be a project that might take years if I'm not committed to it (yes, I knew the ending right before I began the story :P). Then I came across "Storm". I was amused because I thought Sam Sheffield's story was very similar to mine and I wrote to her telling her of my issues that we might have overlapping ideas. Not only did she assure me that she was fine with the eerily similar storylines, she encouraged me to start writing it. I thank the lovely author who (in her words) encouraged me to “WRITE IT!”

The Writing Artist - What a good friend she is. She tries her best to review every chapter and tries even harder to point out places that she thinks that I can do better in. She also drew a picture of Meia! *hearts* Thank you. Thank you. Thank you! (Note: The Writing Artist has an original story in FictionPress.com that is really worth reading, but maybe you should ask her to give you the details instead of I :P)

XXTakaraXX - Another gem. She really reviews every chapter that I upload. I really treasure her efforts to encourage me. In fact, she once pointed out a loophole in my story and as thanks, I placed her as a mini character. That is in Chapter 37.

TifaRokkuhato - She has been supportive and excited about my story. In fact, she first asked if she could draw Meia. She did such a great job that her Meia was my display picture for a long while :P

To the other reviewers: I really, really, really appreciate each and everyone of you. I didn't single you out to thank you because my word of thanks are all the same. I know that you are busy but I'm so glad that you bothered to review my chapters once in a while. Your compliments are specific and it made me so special actually, to hear some of you say that it's the best FF7 story you've read, or how much you love Meia, or how spot on the characters were described, or how close you feel the characters are. 

I can never never express how important these words are to me. it made me feel at times that i really have something that others appreciate and enjoy. I love the fact that I've made someone's weekend more enjoyable. I cherish the idea that someone is anticipating excitedly for my new chapter. I'm excited to see that my readers are attached to the characters that I've written. I know that all my time researching and writing and editing and rephrasing and watching (gameplay) and thinking and thinking and thinking has been all worth while when you guys comment.

Thank you guys. I really love you. I wish I can hug each and everyone of you :( 

Last few things to thank:

I want to thank that one month away from Singapore. In May 2011, I spent one entire month in China, accompanying my dad. I remember I wasn't so enthusiastic about it because I was still preparing for a dance performance in school, but I had promised my dad to go to China to accompany him. Anyway, in my free time there (which was basically almost 20 out of 24 hours), I was writing. Non stop. China didn't allow facebook nor blogger. Thank goodness fanfiction was accessible. I decided to read FF7 fics and everything else is history :) Looking back, I doubt this story would have been birthed if not for that month of nothing but planning and dreaming. Sometimes things happen in our life for a reason.

How can we forget? SquareEnix. Enough said. 

Since this is the credits, I should place my disclaimers.

Characters and places are not created by me, but the work of SquareEnix. The only main character that is original is Meia. Please seek permission before using any work in this story.

Alrighty folks, time to move on and I only wish that the sequel will be as entertaining as the original :)

Update: I Want To Be A Turk!

Note: Due to some things in my life, I'm delaying one week of uploading. Please forgive me. Chapter 61 will be uploaded on the 14th of June earliest. Thank you.

New Word (3): Divulse

divulse

   \ dahy-VUHLS \  , verb;

1.

To tear away or apart.

Word of the day from dictionary.com

So now I need to find a way to use them!

Writing 101: Self-narration

For once, I shall write about writing. Of course, I am an amateur, but hope anyone who is reading this will benefit from it :)

Self-narration.

Well, the concept is kinda stupid, but I found it useful. I have no idea, in fact, if everyone does this or am I the only one... so... let's get started before I sound stupid.

When I was a child, I love to narrate the things that I'm doing. So if I'm walking to the kitchen to get a drink. In my head I'll say it as if I'm a character in a book and I'm executing what the words say. So in my head I'll think of something like this:

"I walk into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of juice out of the fridge. Unscrewing the cap, I drank the juice from the bottle. It was sweet and my insides felt cool."

No joke. I really think like this in my head while I'm just... grabbing juice from the fridge. Hahaha! Am I weird? Anyway, I found that self-narration is fun. Firstly, I pass time and I get my brain thinking instead of letting it idle. (idiosyncrasy #1: I can never let my mind rest. If there's nothing for me to think, I'll think of my story plot) Secondly, I help myself go through the entire descriptive narration. Since I'm always doing something, there will always be something to narrate.

Once you get the hang of it, you can easily narrate skimpy actions in stories. In fact, what I do is narrate ahead of my actions. Then while doing the actions, I'll notice other details (like how my fingers ache when I closed them on the fridge handle.... or something not so wimpy :P) and then I'll form and add the details into sentences. Honestly, it's more of a yeah-I-can-describe-scenes-but-im-gonna-practise-cos-i-have-nothing-else-to-do kind of activity.

It might start off weird, but soon you'll be talking to yourself in your head all day long. Yes, my mind is sort of like Meia. It never shuts up, but I don't have photographic memory (awwww!)

So last night, before I fell asleep, I found myself narrating again. Italised sentences are the initial lines. The others are added after much thought and self-talk in my head.

I lie awake in my bed, covered in cold sweat. I want to sleep but i couldn't. The words that he said ran through my mind like an endless movie. I could feel completely indifferent about it, but I don't. Not when my life's happiness depended on it.

I took my folded blanket and covered it over me, not bothering to unfold the blanket. Despite the cool temperature in the room, I feel warm.

Try to sleep, I told myself. But I might as well talk to a wall. My eyes stung a little, but I doubt they will become swollen tomorrow. I have done a marvelous job at keeping my tears to a minimum. No saying what tomorrow might bring, every day is a land mine.

Yeah, something like that.

I'm going to finish off with two more posts and then I'm headed to bed :)

So I was looking through my old stuff...

I was trying to organise the messed up files and folders that I hastily tossed them into years back when I first got my external hard disk. I doubt I'll finish anytime soon but anyway... I was reading some of the poems that I wrote when I was younger. Like, 5 years ago? Man, I was much more talented then than I am now. XD Sometimes the best works are birthed when you're in the most pain. My life has been quite smooth sailing in the past few years, muahahaha!!

Will I publish them? I'm not too sure, I would like to, but I don't really know where's a good place to publish these things (Apart from FictionPress XD)