If I had never admitted it, I'll admit it now...

I'll take a break.

Yes, I know. I haven't been writing actively in the first place. I was mainly reading more manga and books, so I haven't had time to focus on writing. But really, for now, I gotta stop kidding myself in thinking that I am getting any chapters done. Work is piling up, more than I can even imagine. Therefore, I will really, officially, take a break for two weeks. I have to settle my work and really reflect how I can be more efficient in my life.

Right now, I can imagine everyone who is reading this is thinking, "That's what every author says before they disappear from the face of earth and leave their fanfiction unfinished." I'm not going to blame you, neither will I make any promises. Of course I want to finish "Days Of Exile", but the time is not now. Ideally I want to continue in two weeks' time, but life is unpredictable.

Yup, so I'll take a break. I've been receiving your story favourites and reviews, though. And even though it's just a few of you, it really warms my heart. Thank you.

I'll see all of you on the blog in a few weeks' time!

Update: May 2014

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Have I really been gone for two months?
Gee, I'm really sorry. I did mention in the other post that if I were to ever stop, I will at least have the decency to announce and say goodbye properly, right?

Here it goes... I'm still writing.

Yup, you've heard me. I'm still writing my fanfiction. It's just that of course I'm not focusing on it as much as I would like. I am not joking when I say that my work is taking up a lot of my time. However, in my free time, I've actually returned to another hobby: manga-reading.

Here's the thing. I have so many interests that I can never juggle them equally. So subconsciously, I kinda did some sort of a rotation thing. It is true. I change from hobby to hobby, because I cannot keep up with all my interests. I started fanfiction in 2005, but my school activities and manga/anime got into the way. Then in high school I was so focused on my student council work that I barely did anything else. I did end up playing a lot of online games and went back to fanfiction. Entering university, I stopped playing online games and fanfiction in order to pursue dance. After I ended my 3 years of dance, I finally went back to fanfiction (which was what started "I Want To Be A Turk!") and it has been that way ever since...

Until now.

Recently, I've gone back to reading manga again. I've not read manga intensively for a long time and I kinda missed it.

So yes, if you were wondering where have I been, I've been reading manga for almost 2 months. I'm super inspired by many of the stories out there and it encourages me to put in more effort to my story. Anyway, here's a message to assure you that I'm still here. I'm still updating the story, albeit a little slow. Give me more patience, please!

Meanwhile, it doesn't hurt to hear from you, but I guess maybe my readers are also going through a stage in their lives without fanfiction. Whatever the case is, feel free to drop a message and say hi or something :)

Confession: What I think of Fanfiction

I live a life of double-standards.

I refer to myself, of course.

Sometimes when I talk to avid literature students, the topic of fanfiction would inadvertedly pop out. Then, comes the wave of comments from the nay-sayers.

"It's not original."

"It's stupid, why would people want to use characters of others and not make their own?"

"Fanfiction is full of writers who can't write."

To top the cake with icing, along came "Fifty Shades of Grey", which is a hit and miss with the world. Hit, for people who want face-value trashy entertainment. Miss, for (hipster) people who insist that Fifty Shades of Grey was a literary abomination. If you want my opinion, it's over here. The annoying thing is, even though I do defend the quality of fanfiction, I cannot deny that there are fanfiction out there that are not worth one's time. 

What would be my usual response? I would say along the lines of "Yeah, most of them are bad. But there are some stories out there that are absolute gems."

Don't get me wrong, my fanfic writer friends, in case you are now doubting my perception of your stories. When I say bad fanfics, I really mean, BAD fanfics. I'm talking about fics that are filled with absolute randomness, incoherence, horrible sentence structure and spelling... Things like that. I'm not referring to fics where characters are out of character or the story plot escalates too quickly. I'm talking about fics that make no grammatical sense at all. 

Stories that have issues like out of character, escalation, fluff and Mary-Sues, those can be easily refined and improved. My stories are full of nonsense too. Sometimes I am proud of my writing. Sometimes I want to burn them and never write again. However, slowly and surely, we fanfic writers are improving. As long as we keep writing, and we have a heart to learn and observe, we WILL improve. 

To those people who think fanfiction is a whole horde of trash, please go to a fanfiction website, and dedicate yourself one hour. All will not be in vain. It's like going to a thrift shop sometimes. You spend 80% of your time going through weird, incoherent, dubious-looking fics, and the other 20% you will be gushing at how amazing that fanfic is at painting a picture, how emotional you felt with this character, how awesome it would be if you could write like that, and so on. 

Regardless of how bad or good the fic is, the existence of a fanfic is the highest compliment anyone could ever pay to the author... on some level. No one would bother to meddle a story that meant nothing to them. Of course, I'm saying this as a fanfic writer. Maybe when I become a legit writer (IF that day comes), I may think differently. Although it would be such a tragedy for me to think so.

I say to you again. Fanfiction is NOT just a whole horde of trash. Despite what the public say, I believe that there is value in fanfiction that not many sees.

I have met many fanfic writers who wrote beautifully. People who will make me emotional just with their words. I know many fanfic writers who, like me, share a big passion for writing, and would do all they can to improve themselves day by day. That's why the community is worth staying, even if it's just for a bit longer.

Anyway, to end this post, it all came about because I was in the car with a bunch of friends, and then I was talking to someone (who knew about my fanfiction writing) about how Meia from Days of Exile was of a particular personality. And another person was curious. 

"I am actually a closet fanfiction writer," I said to her with an embarrassed look on my face, though she could not see because it was dark.

"Oh..." She trailed off and I was ready to let it go but then she said, "That's quite cool. I'm a closet writer myself too."

:D Imagine that! Finding a fellow closet writer. She writes non-fiction, but hey, I don't care! I found a fellow closet writer! So we talked and all, and she showed some interest in reading my fics, but now that I'm back home, my panic is setting back in again. My writing is so childish, and so superficial...

Maybe I won't send her my fanfiction link so quickly. *hides in a shell*

Manga and Anime... What makes me squeak?

Of course I meant squeak in excitement :D

Warning: Lots of fangirling ahead.

I came upon this realisation about myself recently. You see, I like reading manga and watching anime. Of course in recent years where I need to juggle these hobbies with other interests as well, I could not focus on these things as much as I like to. Nevertheless, I like manga and anime. If there is a chance, I'll definitely want to make time for them.

There are many titles to read from, and so I did. However, I noticed that certain manga/anime (let's stick to manga as I read more of them then watch anime) appeals to me more. What I mean is that while reading the story, some titles make me want to read more and more and I simply can't stop. Some titles just does not make me feel like "I've GOT to see what happens next!" Usually if these manga are still in publishing, it takes a long time for me to pick it up and continue.

Due to this, often I have to answer to why I am just not as interested to continue Toriko or HunterxHunter. But I think I've got it all figured out now. I need to have at least one character that attracts me physically. Like, I found out that very often if I were to read something and I go "So handsome!" or "So cool!"... most likely, I will be motivated to pick up the storyline again.

In other words, there needs to be something for me to FANGIRL about. ...

IT ALL MAKES SENSE!

Okay, I don't have to go hardcore fangirl at all. Many characters that I am going to list below ended their charm on me when the series ended too... maybe just lasting till a week after :P As long as the "attraction" is there while I'm watching it. That's all.

Here are the various manga/anime that I've been reading in the last two years... Of which within the first few episodes I found someone to fangirl about.

Full Metal Alchemist (I know right... what took me so long to watch this awesome work?)



I was watching Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood (a long awaited promise that I made to myself years, years, years ago). All of a sudden, I feel the spark of fangirlism. That's when I remembered that once upon a time, when I was still watching Full Metal Alchemist (the original), I had a small fangirl crush on Edward Elric. How can such a small guy have so much charm?? :3

Needless to say, I'm charmed by Edward Elric's seriousness whenever he fights.

Ao No Exorcist



I love this anime, and love the manga more (Why aren't they publishing the translations quickly!!) Absolutely started fangirling when Rin declared that he'll defeat Satan. Renzo Shima and Shura are also my favourites.

Sidenote: Oh crap. I believe I just stumbled upon a spoiler in the wiki. NOOO!!!

One Piece



Zorro and Sanji are my favourite characters (I like everyone though!) Sanji was the very first character I saw while first watching a random episode in the anime. But upon reading the manga at last, I saw Zorro, and instantly I was like "So cool!!!"

Fairy Tail



Natsu. Grey. Super mainstream. But who could dislike them? Even though I've stopped reading Fairy Tail, I don't mind picking it up again, for this reason among others.

Samurai Deeper Kyo



Ah. Seriously, the best manga I've read in its time. SDK was one of the first shounen manga that I've read and I seriously love it. But oh wait, we are not reviewing it. I must admit though, I may not like this manga as much without the presence of my dear scatterbrained Hotaru (bottom right).

Here's a shoutout to all SDK fanfiction writers, the people who were the first few to read my serious fanfiction works.

MAGI (Recent anime and manga that I've started)



MAGI is currently a series that I feel a lot for, but that's for another blog post if I ever got a chance. Yep, needless to say, Alibaba is just so handsome :D Okay, Alibaba also happens to be someone whose character development and portrayal is awesome. That probably adds more points, in my opinion.

Sharrkan is cool too, but let's just focus on one now, alright?



*sigh*

Finally, who can forget?

Final Fantasy VII




EDIT: Apparently two pictures of Reno show up when I publish it, but I don't know how to get rid of it. Oh well, I'm not complaining.

If you do not know that I'm fangirling over Reno, you should seriously go back and read my fanfiction agian.

There are many more, but we shall not list them all, haha! Hmm, I should totally do a post on reviews of the anime that I've watched too. Like, a short paragraph describing... okay, I'm digressing.

Ah, looks like I'm out of time. I will post another post on anime/manga that I could not begin to like or chase after despite its popularity.

Thanks for sticking with me through the fangirling. Hopefully I've recommended you some titles to try too :)

Pictures taken from:
FMA
Ao No Exorcist
One Piece
Fairy Tail
Samurai Deeper Kyo
MAGI
Alibaba
Reno

Slow update!

*sheepish laugh*

You would think that after my big decision on the direction of my story, you'll see me writing with more vigour, huh?

Unfortunately not. I have been caught up with work and some new things. I'm really struggling with my work, I guess. How do my experienced colleagues handle all that? I cannot imagine.

Anyway, I will get the long long overdue chapter up and going soon.

Soon.

Sidenote: I need to stop doing this before my blog becomes a blog of apologies!!!

Book Review (7): India Black - Madam of Espionage

Been a LONG while since I last reviewed. I meant to write this review as soon as I was done with the book, but I never got around to finishing it. (Note to self: Always finish the review when you're done with a book.)

Back to what I was saying. I was ploughing through Anne of Green Gables, which is a really lovely book to read when you don't want any of those fantastic twists. Then, a random decision to go to the library brought me to this book.



India Black - Madam of Espionage
Carol K. Carr

Story Sypnosis (in my own words): India Black is an intelligent and charming owner of a brothel, and minds her own business, technically. However, a death of a high-ranked customer in her premises led her on a spy-filled journey where she suddenly becomes a spy for the British government. Don't worry, there'll be a handsome gentleman who will spice the story up for you.

-------

It's a rather difficult concept to accept - not because of the plot's complexity, but because it's really, really hard to imagine a courtesan being a government spy. Which brings me to:

1. Preface
If you usually skip the prefaces, I suggest you read this one. It is a snarky but funny introduction of the book, narrated by India Black herself. In the preface she did mention the laughable possibility of a whore being a government spy, but once she explains the resourcefulness of a prostitute, it all makes sense. She also draws some parallels too-close-for-comfort.

All in all, the preface was the determining factor for me to continue reading the book, which goes to show how easily one can win over a reader with just a simple preface.

2. India Black as a protagonist
Snarky. That's it. I really enjoyed her character and how she tries to explain things in her opinion. To the eyes of French and the other men and 'bints' in the story, India was a calm and composed woman who knew how to get what she wants. If you read on, you know that she is very talkative in her own head.

The book was written in a first person narrative. I'm usually quite awkward with first person narratives because I feel that it limits the readers' perspective. However, the book was written in her perspective. That really shows the readers her true feelings, and it's rather funny. I kinda like her. She talks like a young adult who thinks that she is so educated. She has this arrogance yet sometimes behaves so immaturely. In fact, she at times reminded me so closely to one single character, that the only thing she lacked was 'Oh my'.

I had this thought about India Black and Anastasia Steele. I think that India Black's personality would be so perfect as Anastasia. For one, India Black has the bombastic words that EL James covets, but she delivers them so elegantly and not so... flippantly like Anastasia. Then again, the whole spiciness about 50 Shades of Grey is the fact that Ana is so innocent and pure... Who wants a shrewd virgin?

3. The world of Dickens
The story is set in the 19th century, UK. Dickens fans, hurray for you... Unless you are a HUGE Dickens fan, of course. You may then have your own standards. I'm not a huge Dickens fans, so I'm pretty cool with the whole Industrial period setting.

This was totally what I had in mind when I was reading the book.

-------

I've got an interesting thing that I dislike in this book.

1. I. Really. Dislike. Parentheses. (yeah. like those brackets around the words that you see.)

Remind me, not to do that to you guys (unless you really like it, then let me know). I mean, what is the point? Why can't you just write them out in sentences? Parentheses served to provide extra information (or a quick and suitable remark). However, I found it utterly distracting. Parentheses are littered everywhere in the story (even during the preface!). It's really hard to read something (anything!) when a stupid parenthesis comes and stands in your way.

Sometimes it works (sometimes it doesn't). Now that I've experienced it as a reader, I'm definitely going to cut down on that. And now that you've experienced it (refer to above paragraph), are you sure you want to do it on your own story?

2. Attraction between India and French
Simple question. Where is it??

I was quite bummed out. I thought there would be some romance or flirting between the two of them. But nada. Maybe the sequel might appease me. Then again, I appreciate that the protagonists didn't get it on immediately, unlike that of Maria V Snyder. No offense, I love Maria V Snyder!

-------

Rating: Consider it.

A cute read to put by your bedside, but not that difficult to put down. Come to think of it, months after I've finished reading it, I don't feel like picking it up again. Not even the sequel. Whatever it is, it's not in my priority list. So you decide.

Pictures taken from:
India Black - Madam of Espionage
Picture of London

Disclaimer: Despite the official term, the above book review is not a wholesome and fully critical one. The book is merely reviewed and reflected on based on story writing skills and other literary elements.

Days of Exile: Chapter 42... and crossroads.

I've been posting on my blog for the last two Mondays. Hmm, I see a trend...

Anyway, here's the long-awaited chapter for Days of Exile! And while I've got nothing much to talk about the chapter, let's talk about the STORY.

You see, once upon a time, when "I Want To Be A Turk!" was just a mere idea in my head, I had wonderful ideas and storylines on what I want the story to turn out to be. My plan was to write Meia's entire life, from the moment she became a Turk in 1999, to being exiled in Year 0007, to her return during the events of FF7 in Year 0008, all the way through Advent Children events in Year 0009 and possibly up to Dirge of Ceberus in Year 0012. Yeah people, we are talking about a full 13 years of Meia's life before I end the story.

The naive person that I am, seriously thought that I could finish the story within 200 chapters (glancing at the pile of files in my folder? Nope.) and I even thought I could finish this in 2012 (I started writing "I Want To Be A Turk!" in 2011). So long story short, at 63 chapters into "I Want To Be A Turk!" and 42 chapters into "Days of Exile", I came at the crossroads of my writing life.

Should I continue the way I wanted it to be? 

Or should I stop?

(Cue random free picture, because yes, I have to add pictures to make my blog pretty! Someday I should just draw my own pictures for the blog so that I don't have to worry about copyright!)

Truth is, I have a lot of plot bunnies jumping at the back of my mind, wanting to be unleashed. However, "Days of Exile" has been taking up all my creative juices and spirit. Not that I dislike writing Meia, but I really would appreciate the change.

So I contemplated.

"Let's stick to what I've planned!"

If I continued the way I wanted it to be (all the way to Advent Children at least), I would first complete my original dream of what "I Want To Be A Turk!" was supposed to be. Furthermore, there would be a more complete ending to Meia's story in Shinra. That sense of accomplishment of doing what I started out to do would be tremendous.

The negative consequences would be that I may end up feeling so drained and so tired beating around the same things and same nonsense, and I won't deny it. My writing may not be as good, because after all, people are used to what I can come up with. I may end up delaying the updates longer and longer... until one day I pull that stunt again and just not appear on FF.net anymore.

"Let's just stop here and focus on something else."

If I end "Days of Exile" at the part after Aerith's Holy saved the Planet, technically I have finished what I wanted to write. The main bulk of my original story covers the BC, CC and FF7 events. Honestly, I don't have much planned for what Meia would do after Meteorfall. So technically, I have written my story and I am not THAT guilty. Then, I can take a break from this world and immerse myself in writing out FF7 fics. I mean, don't YOU want to know what I have in store? (Okay, let's not get excited about it... it's not THAT great a plot bunny anyway...)

The negatives. I know I have many loopholes now. I've not explained how Meia is handling her moral ambiguity, I have not answered whether Reno and Meia will end up happy, I barely made interactions between Meia and the other canon characters in the series. Neither have I finished explaining the backstories of the other Turks, nor how Randy and Heidi are going to face Meia. I can definitely say this now. I can't explain all of those so quickly. Maybe I would disappoint some of you because you were expecting something super epic. And the truth is simple, you may not know what Meia really is going to do after Meteorfall.

Sucks, doesn't it?

That was the main question in my head since December. I could not concentrate on my writing because I was so afraid of throwing ideas out that will force me to commit. Believe me, people. I really want to bring out my best to you, but I'm scared that either choice may not turn out well.

In case you're wondering and worrying for me, I've decided on my solution already... Yes, there is a route that we are going now. Just that I won't tell you yet. Sorry! I will definitely let you know when the time draws near (at least another 14-16 weeks!). So for now... let's just enjoy Chapter 42!

Nevertheless, I thank you for being with me through my rantings and doubts. Hope you have a great week ahead!