Can I Stay By Your Side? - Chapter 12

Fun Fact #4: Truthfully, I'd always thought I knew exactly how Tanaka Sana would look. Sana would look very similar to Sonokata Misuzu from "El Dlive". It's drawn by Reborn mangaka Amano Akira too!

Sana and Sonokata's eyes would be different, however. Sonokata's eyes are more... deadpan, if you catch my drift. I would imagine Sana's eyes more rounded, like Kyoko. Also, Sana's hair is dark brown, but the hairstyle would really be the same as Sonokata's.

Anyway, as I continued writing, I realised that Sana's personality was taking more form (obviously) and suddenly, I couldn't see Sana in Sonokata anymore. If you ask me now, I'm not very sure how Sana looks. Maybe someday I should attempt to draw the above with Kyoko's eyes and see if it all makes sense, haha.

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Alright, chapter 12, here we go!

1. Who the heck is Sawada?
To those who have been wondering about that, shame on you because it is Tsuna!

Most of the characters call Tsuna as Tsuna but that’s because Tsuna gives people the feeling that they could call him that, I suppose. Sana is just being cautious and not overly friendly towards someone whom she is not close with. Even though almost everyone calls him Tsuna, but Sana would still call him Sawada.

This was a recent decision of mine, in light of wanting to be more realistic in my writing. But I know I completely botched my first few chapters on this so if you see Sana referring to Tsuna as Tsuna in the previous chapters, please be forgiving!

2. Not enough Gokudera in your fanfic
I agree.

Gokudera is a character that I have mixed feelings about. The character I fangirl about is obviously Yamamoto, but Gokudera is seriously handsome. However, I'm not a fan of his personality. The gap is not very pleasant in my opinion. So whenever I encounter Gokudera in the manga, I would think, "Gosh, he's so handsome" but not much else after that.

Amano Akira sensei is seriously good in her drawing. Why do I say that? Usually in manga, there would be a specific character, let's just say for example the main character, that has been set that he would be handsome. You see the other characters comment that it is so, etc etc. The author puts in so much build up to the character's looks that when he appears, I end up thinking to myself, "Yeah he's handsome, but all of the characters are not bad-looking too. It's just that the author puts in more effort in the main character so the brush strokes are more refined."

I would show you an example, but I'm lazy, hehe.

I feel that with "Katekyo Hitman Reborn", I actually get that "Wow, everyone is good looking but Gokudera is one level higher." (At least, it is for me. I know that the fanbase's favourites are Mukuro and Hibari. Ah well.)

I need THAT KIND of comparison, not the "let's-make-everyone-average-looking-so-that-this-handsome-character-stands-out-more". Amano sensei does not really slacken off with the other characters as well. EVERYONE is good-looking, dammit!

So unfortunately, even though I like Yamamoto Takeshi, my eyes always travel to Gokudera whenever there is a group photo of all of them. *shrugs*

3. Oka
At long last, Oka has a first name! His full name is Oka Itsuki. If you didn’t catch him before, he appeared once in Chapter 5. I’m starting to like him more and more. Initially, he was just meant to appear in Chapter 5, but I thought that it would be much nicer to show that Sana has friendships with people apart from Yamamoto!

Also, I like the gap in his character – rough and crude on the outside, but actually sensitive and mature beyond his age. It's probably cliche, I know. And it's weird that I say that I like this character gap but not the character gap portrayed by Gokudera. In fact, I would think that Oka would be the kind of person that Hana would like, if not for the fact that Oka really looks like the stereotypical middle-school monkey boy. Therefore, there is no way Hana would ever be attracted to him, haha. Poor guy.

Here are some more fun facts about Oka (which may never appear in the actual story) if you are still interested. As mentioned in Chapter 5, he is in the track and field team. He is mainly a marathon runner, but he can be quite fast too. During the Sports Meet in Chapter 5, Yamamoto was first and Oka was third. He has been rather sore about Yamamoto ever since, blaming it on his long legs.

4. Sana is sporty
Even though Sana is rather short, she can jump very high. Truthfully, I’d forgotten about this trait of hers completely, until I was revisiting Chapter 5 to look through some scenes with Oka in it. I forgot that she did really well in high jump during Sports Meet, haha. It's strange that she would be able to jump so high because she was a baseball player. I guess I need to remember this part of Sana, sigh.

Anyway, now that I'm more committed to the details of the story, I'm enjoying writing this a lot more. Unlike previous stories like "I Want To Be A Turk!", I had a rather hard time with this fanfic and at one point in time, I was quite ready to end the fic quickly and move on. However, I'll talk about it when it's time. Right now, I'm quite pumped and to finish this story, even though there are many many chapters ahead of me! Gah!

Picture Credit:

Sonokata Misuzu: https://myanimelist.net/character/90419/Misuzu_Sonokata/pictures

Can I Stay By Your Side? - Chapter 11

Fun Fact #3: The idea of Musuke came because of Yamamoto's Rain Box Weapon, Jirou. It's super adorable that Yamamoto Takeshi was like this stereotypical Japanese image and even his weapon were typical Japanese references like an Akita or a katana.

Anyway, I thought that it would be fun if Yamamoto had always desired to own a dog. Then, it would make sense when his weapon materialises as a dog.

---

Let's try categorising my author's notes into subheadings for easier reading.

1. About the title...
The title of this chapter was supposed to be "A Heart Unspoken" but as the chapter grew longer, the title was reallocated to the next chapter and I had to think of a new title. Naturally, the references of "one step at a time" were added after I came up with the new title.

2. About the timeline...
Also, I've realised that the timeline of the manga chapters and anime episodes are very different. Thus, it's kinda wrong to say where my story is in terms of the anime. As such, I'll make references to the manga's timeline instead of the anime one.

Anyway, I'm sure you could figure it out but the events of Chapter 11 began just after Chapter 31 (New Year) of the manga, until after Chapter 33 (Parent Participation Day).

3. Kyoko and Hana
I want to expand more of Kyoko and Hana’s personalities. I like Katekyo Hitman Reborn but seriously, the author Amano could have done a lot more to this amazing series. However, that is not what I want to talk about today. I'll give my gripes about Amano next time. Anyway, a lot of the characters were underutilized in the manga, especially Kyoko and Hana. Even though Kyoko was introduced right from the beginning, she does not have a lot of depth in her character. So I'm excited to work on her and Hana's character through my fanfic.

4. Indoor shoes (uwabaki) and shoe lockers (getabako)
Next, if you have been wondering about the shoe lockers I seem to keep bringing up. I've mentioned it once in Chapter 6 and possibly a few times after that, so here is a picture for your reference.

Ah yes, there are lots of scenes that take place here, if you have read enough manga and anime. It's quite a significant venue, I suppose, since this is the place where you get to see students from all levels and classes.

I've also done some research and found out that indoor shoes are called uwabaki. The shoe lockers (also called getabako) where they leave their indoor shoes are specific for each student, which is why we commonly see students leave love letters or personal things in various anime/manga. Of course, in the case of Sana, her shoes are being sabotaged.

5. CapybaLand
CapybaLand is a place that I’ve shamelessly taken from the amazing “Noragami” series. In Noragami, they call it "CapypaLand".

It’s actually Capybara Land, but the last syllable of “capybara” and the first syllable of “land” is the same sound in Japanese so they mashed it up. If you have not read or watched “Noragami”, you must. The page where you can find out more about Noragami's Capypaland here.

Capybaras are adorable. Period.

6. Physical Education in Japan
I'm sure you know but I've always set a standard for myself when it comes to my writing. I want my story to be as realistic as possible, so even in a Reborn fanfic, I would like to stick to actual Japanese culture as far as possible, even if it means that I have to do research. I'm glad that I came across a journal article on physical education in Japanese schools to help me with understanding the curriculum.

I've been putting in a bit more effort in the author's notes in the last two chapters, it seems.

References:
Geta bako: https://japanesense.wordpress.com/2012/11/11/a-glimpse-of-japanese-schools-life-part-2/
CapypaLand: https://www.picbon.com/media/1974870045777404515_6414304539
Nakai. T., & Metzler. M. W. (2005) Standards and Practice in Asian Physical Education. Journal of Physical Education, Recreation & Dance, 76, 17-22. Retrieved from https://etc.usf.edu/flstandards/pe/pe%20in%20japan.pdf

The Only Exception - Chapter 21

Don't ask me what took me so long to upload this chapter. It was completed many days ago, but I kept putting it off because I keep having this impression that it wasn't good enough. However, my mental fatigue is urging me to just upload the chapter already, so I obeyed.

So here we are. 21 chapters.

Wow.

To be honest, I wasn't expecting this series to be so long. In fact, when this story was in its brainstorming stage, I'd naively thought that I'll make 4 chapters - one per character. Then, as I started writing Tifa's story, I realised that I was dumb to think that way so I made provisions to try and end each character's story in 3 to 4 chapters, that is, to end all four character's stories by Chapter 20, at most.

And now, Vincent's story itself has ten chapters and still counting! I could have made his story a story on its own. I don't know if I should be happy or not. I guess I should be glad that I was able to expand and work on what could have been a skimpy story. I also could say that I'm not good at being concise.

Well, let's just start on some of my author's notes:

If you remember, Vincent's story is based on the lyrics of "The Only Exception" by Paramore. Well, the whole series is based on that. The initial idea of writing a successful businessman who chose to distance himself from others because of a past hurt seemed good in the beginning. I learnt by this chapter what a hole I've dug for myself to jump into. I've spent a considerable amount of time wondering how I could reconcile his empty hole with just a mere conversation with a random girl that he met.

Hopefully, this chapter was satisfactory. I had a lot of trouble with this chapter because I was not sure how I could deliver the climax of his story the best way. I read the chapters many times, and could have read a lot more if I did not actually dread reading it. It's strange; I felt that this chapter was emotionally powerful for me. In the many times that I was writing and editing, I felt very moved by the story that Vincent carried and how vulnerable he was when facing his demons. Seems strange that the author would be affected by her own stories, but for this chapter, it really was the case.

Also, I apologise if my chapter has been really long. I realised that I should have done the entire Vincent’s story in the previous chapter and leave this whole exposition scene for this chapter alone, but that would mean that I would churn out the previous chapter a lot later than it is now. That’s because I really started writing and planning this chapter after uploading Chapter 20. Can’t believe it took me more than a month to write this whole thing out. It's going to be just as difficult to churn out the chapters from here, wish me luck.

One of the hardest things that I had to handle in this chapter was the topic of child-making, hehe. I mean, I didn't want to be so up front and talk about the more intimate matters of the heart. So I think I spent a good fifteen minutes thinking of a good way to describe child-making? I couldn't have avoided it anyway, not when Lucrecia was pregnant.

With the major portion of Vincent's story gone, I'm foreseeing his story to end in the next chapter. However, being aware of the trend, maybe the ending will be split into two chapters, yet again! *smack forehead in frustration*

Well, that's all, I think. Again, I have not finished Chapter 22. Not even 30 percent of it. So be prepared for a long wait again. Sorry guys :(

Poem: Powerless

So I saw this in my mail:

Well, unfortunately, I'm out of the age range so I cannot participate. I thought that I could write my entry here instead.

So here goes. It's a poem and not a short story, so already, I'm disqualified but ah, who cares?

Powerless
Hands traverse.
Heart has stopped
but Time moves forward still.

There we go. Hope it's not too confusing to understand.

Of course, I considered starting my story with "Tick tock tick tock", but that would be quiteeeee cliche, wouldn't it?

Maybe I should find more writing challenges online, not because I need to keep my blog going, haha! I think it would be good to start writing things apart from fanfiction. If I want to be serious about my writing, that is.

Sorting the mail

I have over 300 unread mails in my inbox at the start of the year.

I know. Don't judge me.

I finally have the time to sort through my mail.

Well, it's not like I absolutely had noooo time at all to do all these things previously. Just that, I would rather use the minimal time I had to rest or do something fun, and administration is not fun in my books.

Anyway, I'm rather pleased to find out that more than a hundred of them were notifications from fanfiction about the readers' support to my stories. Again, I'm always bowled over by the love everyone gives :) The fact that you looked at my story and went, "Huh, guess I'll keep your story in view for the future" makes me all happy and warm inside.

Right now, if you're wondering why I'm not off writing my fanfiction furiously, it's because I'm also side-watching season 2 of "I am a singer", this singing competition from China, inspired by the Korean version of the same thing. I can't really multi-task, and it's really late so I don't wanna work my brains anymore, hehe.

Can I Stay By Your Side? - Chapter 10

Fun Fact 2: I've read somewhere that the character profile of Yamamoto Takeshi was written out to be the typical Japanese stereotype. Firstly, "Yamamoto" and "Takeshi" were very common Japanese names. He wields a katana, likes sushi, father owns a sushi shop, likes to play baseball etc. He even named his Vongola Box Weapon, the Akita dog and the swallow, Jirou and Kojirou. "Jirou" is one of those common names of the old.

So in that line of thought, I made Tanaka Sana's name a stereotypical one. "Tanaka" is a common Japanese family name. The name "Sana" is quite common; however; not extremely common. I like names like "Yuki" or "Haruka" may be more common. I just couldn't place these names on my OC. Only "Sana" fit, in my opinion. Thus, Tanaka Sana was the name of my main character.

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So, it's Chapter 10! It is probably my longest chapter so far at about 3900 words. I couldn't break the chapter into two parts. Then again, if you have read my other stories, you would know that 3900 words is not much. However, I wasn't expecting that length coming from a story as simple as "Can I Stay By Your Side?"


If you've read my previous author's notes, you would realise that I found "Can I Stay By Your Side?" a story without too much complication to the plot. Also, the nature of what it should be (a shoujo manga-esque book) makes some of the details lacking. The average chapter length for each chapter was estimated to be about 2500-3000 words, a far cry from the 3500-4500 word behemoth chapters that I usually write for the other fics. Well, I'll take it as a good thing because it means that I'm finally becoming more serious in this fic.

Yes, it's intentional that this chapter ties back to a couple of things, namely the first line in Chapter 1 and obviously, the title of the story. Doing things like that make me happy.

If I've not said it once, I'll say it again: It's really difficult to write a serious fic about a gag manga! The nature of the first half "Katekyo Hitman Reborn" is that it is a gag manga, so the events in the story are of course filled with sensational actions with oblivious characters coupled with the poor main character who is the knowing one in the midst of it all. It's actually difficult to write a normal fanfic about a gag manga without making the characters OOC.

Yet with that, I'm excited at the prospect of a challenge. Back when I was writing “I Want To Be A Turk!”, I had two goals:

1.) Write a story with minimal loopholes
2.) Insert OC into the canon storyline in a way that does not require me to retcon anything.

That was why whenever Meia is around during an event that happened in the actual Final Fantasy 7 game, she would be in a position where the average gamer wouldn't see her (thanks to fixed camera angles!), like in a corner or far away from the player’s point of view. As it turned out, it became easier to to write as I got used to the limitations that I had given myself.

I guess in this fic, the challenge that I should give myself is to write a serious fanfic from a gag manga! But yeah I know, halfway through the manga in the Kokuyo arc, things start to become real action-packed and less gag manga. But... by then, who knows where my story would take me?

Moving on, I'm shell-shocked by the number of people who still faved and followed me in the 3 years that I was away. And yes, the fanfiction site thought that I was spamming and eventually, I had to stop. I’ll slowly take my time to thank all who faved and followed me, even for the other titles. But you readers always make me feel that what I've done is not meaningless. You really push me to write more each day :)

Anyway, one of the reviewers said that she found Sana’s love troubles super relatable. It gives me much satisfaction that someone could relate to her. Sana’s feelings carried a lot of what I felt when I was her age. Umm, minus the shy and quiet parts - I'm as noisy as any crow on the street. However, a lot of the feelings and reactions Sana felt were a product of my own experience and exposure to shoujo manga.

If you are wondering, I'm always playing the unrequited love role, so I was hardly the protagonist female who gets her feelings reciprocated. In fact, I once had the idea of writing out a whole compilation of love stories that end in unrequited feelings! That was many years ago and once in a while, I still think about that plot bunny! Also, I started writing fanfiction when I was just a little older than Sana. If I had such a fantastic and successful relationship rate like that of my friends, I doubt I'll ever come across fanfiction, much less write one, but that is a story for another time. :)

Okay, so I thought I was quite bad at describing that place where Sana and Yamamoto had their conversation. I realised that there wasn't quite a good description for the place that I had in mind, except for outdoor amphitheatre. However, the park that they were in is a small one and, calling that an outdoor amphitheatre is quite ambitious.

So I’ve found a picture online to better illustrate myself. Just imagine it without the grass and that railing. The place is full-on concrete - exactly the kind of place that you would play recklessly and get a fracture from a bad fall. Hope it is clearer now! Also, if you actually know what this kind of design is called, do let me know!

Finally, to those who are not sure how Yamamoto managed to get hot drinks in the middle of nowhere, there are tons of vending machines littered everywhere in Japan. Almost all of them sell hot and cold canned drinks. Many visitors (like me) would enjoy choosing a different drink each time, but honestly, using the can as a hand-warmer is a splendid reason to buy the hot canned drink, I'm not even gonna pretend.

Once again, thank you for reading my fic and to those who actually made their way here to read my long long long author notes, thank you very much!

Pictures taken from:
Washington Park Amphitheatre: http://ronandmarysummerinportland.tumblr.com/ (Photo Credit: Timothy Grundvig)

It's been a while, so I shall quote verbatim from another page of my blog on the usage of pictures: Pictures are taken through Google Search and will be credited to the website accordingly. Usage of deviantart pictures will not be used unless permission has been granted.

What on earth are you doing now? (200th post!)

Almost everyone is asking that of me, in varying sentence structures.

Since becoming jobless, I've been living the dream!

Not really.

I did post a chapter each on two of my fanfiction.

Then... I kinda jumped onto the bandwagon that is called Marie Kondo. Yeah, thank you Netflix. Now the whole of Singapore is going on a decluttering spree. So far, I've only cleared out my clothes and my personal books. I've got a ton more to declutter. But on a side note, it has been doing good to my soul. On another side note, I'm doing this decluttering REALLY slowly.

Also, I went on a Netflix binge. I finally finished "Avatar: The Last Airbender" in a matter of days and I'm currently on "Sousei no Omyouji (Twin Star Exorcists)". More on Avatar another time.

Then, a friend of mine is decluttering his house (for a completely different reason from mine) and shoved me a ton of herbs, chocolate chips and essential oils that potentially might last me 5 years. So I've been doing a lot of baking, recipe researching and essential oil blending "lessons" online.

Well, it does sound like I'm living the dream. Alas, when you are my age, the pressures of society will creep up onto you. Already someone is asking me, "So... how long do you intend to be like this?"

And it hasn't even been a month! I've seen people go jobless for longer than that! Sigh. But I don't blame these people for asking. Singapore is really fast-paced and I cannot expect to live my life as a *cue zen voice* "free-spirited soul" when finances are going to become tighter. So yeah, I'll live my life carefree... but at a faster pace, heheh.

Nevertheless, my mind never stopped thinking about writing from time to time.

If my brain is not thinking about fanfiction, it is about my original.

Yep, over the course of two years, whenever I had time, I would ponder about a particular plot bunny. Not fanfiction, original. It's strange to even write that down. I've had a number of original plot bunnies, but this one has been in my mind for a long time. It's more like, two plot bunnies which I've combined, so I'm also afraid that I'm doing too much for one story. Then, there're obstacles that I'm facing, such as doubt in myself, and doubt in whether the story would actually pan out to be good. There are still a number of details that I cannot decide, and without those decisions, I cannot begin writing.

Gah, maybe I'll follow Samantha Sheffield once again and just "DO IT". I mean, I've already visited the library to do some research. I'm sure it's just a step in the right direction.

But yeah, that's pretty much what I've been doing the whole month. :)

P.S: Also, happy lunar new year to all who celebrate it. It's the third day of the lunar calendar and everyone, including myself, must go through the ritual of falling sick due to a lack of control at the sight of snacks and food. But, that's just the veeeerrry picture of prosperity, huh?

P.P.S: My 200th post, whoopee!

Unpublished: Days of Exile (extra scenes)

If you write, poetry or prose, you will at some point in time, have scenes that you have ended up not publishing.

A lot of times, the scenes are not included in the story because it just does not work. And I've learnt in a Fiction Writing workshop that I've attended some years ago that I should not force scenes into the story just because I took a long time to come up with it and I didn't want to waste it. Other times, you would have scenes that you did not publish because you may have stereotypically written it on a diner napkin and have plain forgotten about it till it was too late.

In today's blog post, I am referring to the latter.

Of course, I wasn't writing my scenes and ideas on a diner napkin. I just typed them in my evernote and I forgot all about it. Completely. Until I chanced upon it just now while I was decluttering my evernote things.

So since Days of Exile is published and done, I guess I'll post it here instead :)

So this is meant for Chapter 55 of my fanfiction "Days of Exile", when Meia was explaining to Randy and Heidi her whole reconciliation with her job as a Turk. Once again, much like the previous unpublished post, I'll post what I've written verbatim, so forgive the lack of perfect grammar/spelling. Had to type fast before the plot bunny runs away, you know?

---

Meia looked at Randy. "During the time I was captured by Hojo, I have been thinking of a lot of things. Out there everyone has various impressions of the Turks, most of which are less than pleasant. When I was a child, I truly beleived that everyone had a good side in them. I know that while I was still a Turk, I saw that these people are more than just killing machines. They had a sense of humour, they were loyal to their cause (albeit an unethical one), they had feelings.

Seeing this more human side of them, im.inclined to believe that the people outside shinra are too narrow minded and unforgiving.

How could it, then, that we did all these terrible things, and try to be human at the same time? Why is it that being a Turk essentially meant we throw away our lives up to this point and live like a different person?

I could never come to terms with this. But the more I see, the more I have to accept the undeniable truth. The Turks did wrong things, for various personal reasons. They may not like it, some may like it, but the truth of the matter is as solid as a rock-" Meia stopped to take a breath, and remebered what Cassie said. "We had a choice to stand for what we believed in, and all of us had no qualms putting down our morals to get the job done. That, is what make us Turks not excusable for our doings.
However, I still reiterate that

We cannot expect ppl to like us or forgive us. We can never expect it. Even if we singlehandedly destroyed Meteor or cure Geostigma now, we wont be treated like heroes. The only thing we can do now is to live properly now. If we want respect from people around us, we will work for it.
The best thing I can do is to do what i think is right. Perhaps find someone who share the same passion as me.

Randy thereafter says a few things. Then he leaves and Meia didnt hear from him wver again. (Well, maybe not for a long while. The idea is that randy will not forgive the turks so easily anyway.)

---

There you have it :)

In the end, this scene was not published because I simply forgot all about it. I rewrote the whole chapter as you have already read in the published, actual Chapter 55. However, the main idea is the same and honestly? I like what I've written in this unpublished version, but it's unrealistic that Meia would go on and on while Randy and Heidi just kept quiet without. a. single. comment.

Besides, I love the ending of Chapter 55 and I would not do a single thing to change that :)

Anyway, the story is long completed and it's time to move on. I'll admit, I still enjoy reading Days of Exile and I hope to find more unpublished stuff lying around here and there in my laptop.

Can I Stay By Your Side? - Chapter 9

Gee, I realised that I never had a tag for "Can I Stay By Your Side". It's time to create one, I suppose?

And to make up for seven chapters that I've already posted, I'll put in some fun facts that I can't believe I didn't publish previously.

Fun fact #1: The original title that I really wanted to publish was "Soba ni ite ii?" which directly translated in Japanese is "Is it okay if you stay by my side?" but well, my lousy Japanese mistook the whole phrase and I reversed the meaning, hur hur. I may a decent writer but I'm still not a decent speaker of Japanese.

In other words, the title of this fanfic should have been "Can you stay by my side?" Hot damn! *knocks head against table in frustration*

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Let's move on to Chapter 9. Chapter 8, as we already know, was my author's note so let's skip that.

When I came back to review my chapter, I thought that it would be easy to just look through for grammatical errors and just upload this chapter.

How wrong I was.

Well, if you guys have not already found out, I actually enjoy reading my own stories. Yeah, I know. I'm really narcissistic at times. I have been rereading "I Want To Be A Turk", "Days of Exile", "The Only Exception" many times over the course of 2018, trying hard not to forget how enjoyable it was to write.

However, "Can I Stay By Your Side" was a story that I didn't particularly enjoy. Mainly, as I discovered last week when I had to reread the story for continuation, because the story was too skimpy for my liking.

"Can I Stay By Your Side" is written in the style of how a Japanese manga is written. Unfortunately, it's a disadvantage because illustrations play a huge role in manga. Thus, I realised that for the first seven chapters, I found my story too skimpy and lacking of details and "colour".

Thus, when I looked through the chapter again, a desire to improve it surged. Surprisingly, I made quite a lot of changes to the chapter. Mostly a rephrasing of previously written sentences, but also addition of some sentences to bring clarity to the context.

The scene of Yoshiko and Sana on the telephone was such an addition.

In the end, it turned out that my chapters exceeded 2800 words, which was way more than I had expected. However, I'm satisfied with the result.

To those who faithfully read KHR in tandem with my story, I commend your diligence and challenge you to find loopholes in my story (it ain't that difficult to do so anyway).

In order to portray a more accurate description of the Japanese culture, I often used terms in their original Japanese name. Hatsumoude is what the Japanese do in the new year. I've also used a number of websites for research and cross-reference, which I have listed below.

Alrighty, the writing gears are creaking slowly but surely. I'm ready.

Credits:
http://www.hellotokyo.jp/2011/01/02/hatsumode-new-years-visit-to-a-shrine/
http://www.hellotokyo.jp/2010/11/14/try-your-luck/
https://livejapan.com/en/article-a0000776/
http://www.fuji-travel-guide.com/news-item/sanpai/
https://www.realestate-tokyo.com/living-in-tokyo/religion/shrine-temple-manners/
https://wow-j.com/en/Allguides/other/tips_manners/00674_en/

So hello again. And what happened?

Ah, turns out that I managed to come back to post a second time this year. This is good, I'm telling myself, baby steps, baby steps.

If you scroll down a little and read my last few posts from 2016, you'll know that I was writing up until then. Then I got married and well, tried to continue writing but it was a little difficult to juggle the new life with my previous life as a single. Also, I underestimated my ability to juggle my career. In the end, I spent the last two years barely surviving my job, even though I loved doing what I did.

Yes, "did".

I resigned after a struggle of emotions and decisions that lasted almost two years. This is a writing blog and not a personal blog, so I plan to omit my description and exaggeration of how I felt in 2017 and 2018. Long story short, I made a decision after struggling for two years. While I enjoy my job, I wanted to, loosely coined, take a break and do something different.

Yep, that's it. What my plans are in my personal life, they are not firmed up. I have ideas on what I want to do, but nothing is planned for me.

Over the last two years, many things bothered me in my emotional struggle. One of the biggest issues that kept nudging me was my writing. I kept hearing my inner critic showering me with disdain and disgust.

"You have been keeping your readers waiting."

"To think, you disliked authors who went on hiatus without a single word, and here you are doing the same thing."

"So how are you going to handle the stories that you've left hanging?"

"When you come back, IF you come back, your previous readers are not going to be around, and it's all your fault."

It was difficult.

But I made it after all that. Here I am, much like the exiled Turks at the end of their ordeal with Zirconiade. I quote KK and Meia from "I Want To Be A Turk!" - "We are disbanded, exiled, used and manipulated, but still alive."

I'm only excited to see what my future has for me.

---

Oh, thought you might wanna know, I actually did consider stopping fanfiction once and for all. I've thought about it a couple of times.

Some time in March 2018, I got so fed up with the internal nagging that my fanfiction was not done. I edited my chapters to include a final author's note. In the end, I replaced it with an author's note that you saw in Chapter 19 of "The Only Exception" and Chapter 8 of "Can I Stay By Your Side?". I'm glad that I did not give up.

I repeat myself in case you are still mistaken. I am NOT leaving fanfiction.

Nevertheless, to end this rather depressing post, here was my final note to you guys that I originally wanted to post to end my fanfiction writing journey once and for all. It was sad, snarky and silly all at the same time. After this post, I won't be talking anymore about my last two years.

Dear readers,

Once upon a time, I was a fanfiction reader myself and I’ve raged about authors who would just disappear without reason or any explanation. Their stories were left hanging without any conclusion. I remember telling myself that as an author, I’ll always keep my readers in the loop of things and I’ll give a proper farewell if I ever stop writing.

This is the time.

I’m sorry.

I’m very, very sorry.

Since 2015, I held onto my foolish hope that I will quickly settle the many things that are happening in my life to write again. Since 2015, I have not written much. Including this chapter, it’s 2 chapters. It’s the same situation in my other story.

I am unable to keep to my promise of finishing this story. And I feel terrible for not being able to even finish the story that I set out to complete. I am writing this with a certain acknowledgement that this could be my last fanfiction chapter.

FAQ Time, hehe.

Q: Hi Aichioluv, um… I don’t really care what’s going on with you. Is the story up there the ending?
Of course that’s not the ending. But this is the last chapter that I’m going to upload. If you want, I can give you like 10 sentences to end this whole story, but I… I can’t do that. I’ve got writing standards to uphold.

Q: Isn’t going on hiatus and disappearing here and there common in Fanfiction?
Being a fanfiction writer since 2005, I have been through ups and downs of writing. Handling schoolwork and drifting away from fanfiction was a part of it. However, I am not able to manage even the most basic responsibilities in my life. I am in a wreck now, barely able to keep up with meeting social circle demands, the demands of three families, and the increasing workload of my career. An absolute, emotional wreck.

Q: When did you realise that it was time to let go?
For close to four months. This portion was written in March, shortly after my emotional breakdown. Through the last two years, I’ve always wanted to write. The desire to write burned so bad in my heart – I couldn’t come to terms that I may not be able to write. I struggled with it, though I never once thought of giving up. However, that had changed since March. My personal management went downhill and the only way I could save myself now is to shut out all possible distractions. Fanfiction is not the only one suffering. All hobbies that I used to relish in are on hold.

Q: A job that takes away your personal time and hobbies? What kind of a job is that?
Nothing for you to worry about.

Q: So… you are telling me that you cannot manage your little life? You mean I’m not going to get my story just because of one silly little character flaw?
Yes.

Q: Will you be back?
I cannot promise, I don’t want to promise. Ideally, I’d love to return one day saying, “I’m finally back!” but after having this foolish thought for two years (with almost no action), it’s wiser to take it as farewell instead of “I’ll be back”.

Q: You suck.
I really do.

Q: Couldn’t there be something that you can do about this?
Meh, I doubt anyone is really asking this. I enjoy reading my own stories too, don’t judge. I’m currently rereading “Days of Exile” for kicks. However, I cannot write anymore. Not while I have this job that’s very time-consuming. If anyone is willing to pay me my current salary to write fanfiction, I’ll gladly quit my job (don’t we all?).

Q: Will you be around for a chat?
I’m always around should you ever PM me. I receive email notifications and will try to respond like how I respond to emails.

Q: So… I guess that’s it.
Yes. That’s it.

I can never tell you enough how much you mean to me. Uploading chapters weekly, even daily, was such a joy because I could read your reviews. Staying up till midnight and jumping up the minute I wake up to write was thoroughly enjoyable while it lasted.

It was all to hear you say that you love my stories. You have no idea how touched I feel when people tell me that they look forward to my chapters all week. You will never know how honoured I feel when people look to me for writing advice.

We may never meet face to face, but I remember most (if not all) of your reviews and I still read them (even the ones dating back to 2005). I cherish the readers who make time to improve me and encourage me. You were not only readers, you were my friends. I treasure you so much that I wanted to make closure here, instead of letting you hang on in wonder of whether I’ll ever complete the story. I hope that in my short time here, I’ve entertained you, or maybe inspired or encouraged you to write something of your own.

I can go on forever, but I really shouldn’t.

Thank you for being with me. I don’t think I can ever achieve that much without you.

Thank you. Everything was all for you.

For you.

Totally scoffing at the title of the post before this.

Hello everyone.

Happy new year! It's 2019, and about 2 to 3 years ago, I shamelessly began my post with "I'm back!"

And then stopped posting for a long time.

Some of the readers may have already seen my note in the two fanfictions, "The Only Exception" and "Can I Stay By Your Side?" Nevertheless, I'll post what I've written here at the end of this post. I'm still undecided if I should remove the author's note.

Anyway, a lot has happened. And as of now, I'm not writing fanfiction. Yet.

I doubt anyone is reading this blog anymore, but I'm still keeping it running because the initial idea is to just keep a record of my writing journey. So I'll be posting a lot of my woes, I guess.

And yes, I'm prepared to lose a lot of my readers. This is my second hiatus and I don't know when I'll stop writing for good.

For now, I'm taking things one step at a time.

Hope to be back on this blog with a better explanation of what had happened since my disappearance in 2016.

My author's note in the fanfiction is as follows:

10 August 2018

Dear readers of my Fanfiction stories,

It has been more than 2 years, how are you?

Since the last update, marriage, work and life required a lot more of me than what I had expected. A lot more happened that affected me emotionally too. If not for my husband, family members and friends, I don’t know how I would pull through.

I’m sorry that there was no sign of me for the last two years.

I struggled over the last two years if I should quit writing altogether. You know, close this chapter of my life that enjoyed writing and focus on my career.

However, in the recent few months, I have made some decisions in my life. This may mean that I am returning to Fanfiction.

I do not wish to make promises, but I will tell you my current plan. Fingers crossed, I will return to Fanfiction by March 2019. If I don’t return by then… well…

You, my readers, were always on my mind when it comes to writing. I told myself that if I ever were to stop writing, I need to do the decent thing and inform you. So, my quest for writing will not be over until I say it’s over.

Till then, please have faith in me that I’ll return by next year.